When a relationship is intended to end up in marriage, the subsequent discussions go deeper, in which case each person talks about their past, including how many relationships they had had in the past, the sweet and the ugly parts, whether they once had a child and many other things they feel obliged to share.
This move is usually hinged on the belief that openness, transparency, full disclosure and sharing some deep secrets are vital for any relationship that would succeed, coupled with the fact it enhances bonding.
But according to findings and observations, such openness (or confession in some cases) is sometimes the beginning of the end of that relationship. Even though the person making such statement does so with the intention of being open, he or she could say something that could be unacceptable, awful, unpardonable or disgusting to the other person, which could lead to troubles eventually.
Reasonably, there seems to be no consensus as to whether to bare it all before a partner, ostensibly for the sake of honesty and openness, or it is better to let the past remain in the past.
According to Dr. Vivian Diller, a psychologist, complete honesty does not necessarily lead to intimacy. She noted that some don’t tell all but still have a trusting, fulfilling relationship.
Also, Prof. Toba Elegbeleye, a consultant psychologist, opined that psychologically, people are advised not to go back to the past because it could mar the present and make the partner to have some wrong mindset and perception of the person ‘saying the truth.’
Impliedly, there are certain things that, according to experts, should not be shared with a partner, whether the relationship is new or it has lasted decades, simply because such things could hurt and might threaten the relationship. These include:
Having a stint with someone: In the spirit of openness and honesty, some persons are wont to disclose to their spouse when they have just cheated on them because they don’t want to hide anything from them. As commendable as this should have been, some psychologists are of the opinion that it has its bad sides, as it tends to create suspicion in the relationship and such a partner might not forgive. Perhaps it is worse if a woman is the one making the confession. Meanwhile, previous studies have shown that men hardly forgive a cheating wife because it affects their masculinity and they feel deeply betrayed. And according to the popular saying, the betrayal of trust could be hard to repair. Thus, the psychologists advised that instead of spilling the beans, such a person should strive not to repeat the act.
Elegbeleye said, “Having a stint is not the kind of story you share with your spouse. You are supposed to be in love with your spouse. Nobody – a man or woman – would take it. A man would never take it. Such has to be kept in its place.”
Sex history: This is another thing that should not be shared with a spouse. Experts say it is okay to tell a partner you once had a relationship and that would be entirely understandable because not everybody ends up marrying their first lover. But they equally warn that certain details are better kept from the partner, like positive sexual experiences or fantasies. They noted that no man wants to know how his wife and her ex had sex on the couch or that his wife had slept with dozens of men in her lifetime (safe, of course for commercial sex workers), even though he knows she once had a relationship. A sexologist, Emily Morse, said creating a mental image of a past sexual experience, especially if it was enjoyed, could make the man jealous and insecure. “It never feels good to think about your partner being with another person,” she added. Notably, there are mixed feelings as regards telling a partner everything about a former affair, especially the positive things, but it has been argued that as much as possible, and knowing humans could be jealous, such things should remain in the past. Some experts advised that if the partner asks about such, like an abortion, the truth should be told, with caution.
Elegbeleye added, “Everybody has a past but it is advisable not to visit the past. If you are someone who has done abortions or one who disappointed others serially, you would likely abstain from telling most of those things, in order to protect your own esteem, because perception is important.
“Such a partner being told such could begin to guess beyond the extent it reached or imagine things, and the moment imagination comes in, there may be no end to it. If by chance you do something that does not meet with standard, the person being told would extrapolate and think beyond what happened.
“So, in order to give yourself peace of mind, certain things are better kept away from a partner. There is no way every past can be perfect, because if it were, you won’t need a new relationship, so the less said about the past, the better.”
When displeased with their family: There are instances when a person could be displeased with the spouse’s family members, maybe their conduct, bad mannerism, etc., but according to experts, even if the partner has the same reservations, telling them you dislike them as much could send a wrong signal and it could lead to an issue if they resolve issues with their family members. Morse said the only exception is if the partner’s family members did something really awful, and even in spite of that, people should try to refrain from saying such.
Frequent news about an ex: Findings have shown that no man or woman is intrigued by the sweet stories of a partner’s previous love experience. Be that as it may, people are advised against talking about an ex always, because it could create an impression that there is still some closeness and a possibility of reigniting the old affair. Thus, even when in communication with an ex, stories about him or her should not come up, it could create trouble, except for very good reasons.
Cheating record: For one reason or the other, some persons could have had reasons to cheat in a previous relationship, maybe for revenge, better sex, attention, etc., but experts say telling a partner such could create doubt as such person would think it could reoccur and they would also be victims. Morse, in a post on shape.com, added, “Telling him that you’ve cheated on a previous boyfriend will trigger his insecurities. Even if he brushes it off, believe me, he won’t ever forget. If you deeply regret your two-timing and don’t plan on doing it again, it’s okay to keep this skeleton under lock.”
Source: ( Punch Newspaper )
#LekkiMassacre: CNN Dares Nigeria Government, Updates Second Report (Video)
The Cable News Network, CNN seems not done with the President Muhammadu Buhari-led government with the television channel releasing another report on the shooting at the Lekki toll gate during the End SARS protests.
Recall that the Minister of Information and Culture, Lai Mohammed, called out CNN over its report on the incident.
He added that CNN was biased in its report and needs to be sanctioned.
The Minister also addressed a letter to the management of CNN in Atlanta.
The network, however, on Tuesday released the second report with more damning footage showing soldiers shooting at unarmed protesters on October 20, 2020.
The second report also shows the Commander, 81 Division, Brig.Gen Ahmed Taiwo, admitting before the judicial panel in Lagos that military men had live ammunition in their weapons while at the tollgate.
CNN also noted that the statement of Brig.Gen Taiwo contradicts that of the Minister who had claimed last week that the army fired blank bullets.
It was also revealed in the new report, the moment when protesters were running as soldiers open fire at the tollgate.
Watch video below;
— Ayemojubar 👠 (@ayemojubar) November 23, 2020
Petrol Subsidy Not Completely Gone, Says Minister
Minister of State for Petroleum Resources, Timipre Sylva has stated that contrary to popular belief, the federal government has not completely removed petrol subsidy.
Speaking on Channels’ Politics Today, the minister said: “We are still trying to manage this bumpy start. We have not been able to get to that 100 percent removal of subsidy from the foreign exchange end.
“If we were to take it out completely and allow people to access foreign exchange from the parallel market and allow people to import the product, the price of the pump will even be more.
“The Federal Government, knowing the impact it will have on the people, decided that they are still going to manage this situation.”
Speaking on the importation of petrol from Niger, the Minister expressed that the importation of fuel from the Niger Republic is not something Nigerians should be embarrassed about.
He expressed that Nigerians should be proud that the Federal Government is set to resume the importation of petroleum products from its neighbour.
‘Your Report On Lekki Capable Of Setting Nigeria On Fire’ — Lai Writes CNN
JustLai MohammedMinister of Information and Culture, Lai Mohammed has expressed that the CNN report on the Lekki Tollgate shooting of October 20 2020 is capable of setting the country on fire.
Recall that CNN had published an investigative report titled, ‘How a bloody night of bullets and brutality quashed a young protest movement in Nigeria,’ claiming soldiers fired live ammunition directly at protesters at the Lekki toll gate.
But Nigeria’s Minister for Information denied the report of the US-based cable television, calling for a sanction on CNN over the report, adding that the report on the Lekki tollgate incident was highly irresponsible.
Reacting in another story titled, ‘Nigeria threatens CNN with sanctions but provides no evidence Lekki toll gate investigation is inaccurate’, CNN maintained that it stood by its earlier report on the Lekki tollgate incident.
In a petition dated November 23 and addressed to Mr. Jonathan Hawkins VP, Communications, CNN Centre Atlanta, Georgia U.S, the federal government demanded “an immediate and exhaustive investigation into its report on the Lekki Toll Gate incident to determine its authenticity and conformity to basic standards of journalism.”
Lai Mohammed, who signed the petition, said if the US-based media organisation failed to carry out its demand, the Nigerian government will “take any action within its laws’’ to prevent CNN from aggravating the End SARS crisis.
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