MOTUNRAYO JOEL writes about covetousness in children and how the behaviour can be curbed
Celestina Jones, 10, is from a rich family. She is the only child of her parents but his neighbours say she is a spoilt kid.
Her mother, Mrs. Funke Jones, a banker said her daughter’s behaviour has caused her so much embarrassment at her place of work.
She said, “I no longer carry her along with me to work on weekends. She has embarrassed me many times. I try to buy her all she wants, but she is never satisfied. She always wants what other children have. The other day in church, the head of children’s department complained to me about my daughter’s attitude. She said my daughter snatched another child’s snacks.”
Mrs. Jones said she noticed Celestina’s behavioural change when she turned three, adding that, back then, she thought she was only being naughty.
“Since she was three years old, she has been exhibiting a covetous nature. I thought her attitude was nothing to worry about. I still remember back then, Celestina would cry her eyes out if I did not buy her a particular biscuit or sweet. That was not all, she would almost snatch another child’s property if I did not buy hers,” she said.
Psychologists say covetousness is a bad behaviour in children that must be dealt with before they become adults.
An expert in psychology, Mr. Onyishi Ike, defined covetousness as having or showing a great desire to possess something belonging to someone else.
He said, “Our child must learn that they can’t have what isn’t theirs and that they should be content with what they have. If parents can nip this problem in the bud when a child is a toddler, it might be easier to avoid it as he or she gets older.
“A child might not understand why the 10th commandment in the Bible states that one should not covet, so you need to help the child understand. Simply telling the child not to desire something so much that they are willing to take it away from the person who owns it, would go a long way in making the child understand what covetousness means. Talk to your child about what he or she wants and why. Help the child decide if that desired item is something he or she really needs.”
Ike said one way to combat covetousness is to make a child to be content with what he or she has. He said making a child appreciate what he has could also help in dealing with covetousness.
“Ask your child how many things he or she has. Challenge him or her to start counting the number of toys, biscuits, books he or she has. Ask your child what he thinks children feel when they don’t have what he or she has. Also ask your child if he or she thinks that sharing what he has would help another child? Your child might not understand your point immediately but the more you interact with him in his or her own language, the sooner he or she would change,” he said.
In the same vein, Orjiakor Tochukwu of the department of Psychology, University of Nigeria, Nsukka, said another way to tackle covetousness is to teach children the importance of the word ‘thank you.’
“Your child must learn to be appreciative. Talk about why thankfulness is the best option, no matter what another child gets. Help your child to see things you cannot buy for him or her such as love, happiness and time with people he or she cares about are more valuable than things that can get stolen, broken or consumed,” he said.
Tochukwu said parents must also learn not to grumble about things they cannot or don’t have in the presence of their children. He said children tend to imitate their parents.
“Try to grumble in private or even better swallow the envy. Don’t be jealous in the presence of your children else they copy your behaviour,” he said.
Daniel Badmus story is similar to Celestina.
Nine-year-old Daniel on several occasions was caught with things belonging to other pupils in his class.
In fact, his class teacher Mrs. Epo, tried several times to deal with the situation but her efforts have been to no avail.
She said, “Daniel is never satisfied with what his parents give him; his attitude is making me unhappy. The other day, some pupils found books and toys belonging to other kids in his school bag. I have tried to talk him out of collecting other pupils’ belongings but he has refused to change.”
Daniel’s mother, Mrs. Rita Badmus, described her son’s covetous attitude as her biggest headache which she had committed into prayers.
“It is not as if I do not buy Daniel things; he is never satisfied. He always wants more and more. What should I do? This problem has caused my family much embarrassment; I have decided to pray about the matter. I am tired of his bad behaviour,” Rita said.
Speaking on the matter, an Associate Professor of Psychology, Uzondu Christian, said children must be taught not to focus on material things.
“When a child’s self-esteem is dependent on his or her possessions, the child becomes superficial and greedy. Their confidence lacks a solid foundation. They develop confidence based on their worth as human beings. Helping our kids become well-rounded, grateful for their blessings and empathetic to those less-fortunate will help curb their desire for material things and others people’s belongings,” he said.
Christian added that children should be taught to serve others. He said such virtue should be taught at an early age.
“Teach your children to be selfless. From an early age, children can learn to be part of the family. This lesson can easily be learned through participation in domestic chores. Even little children can learn to bring their plates to the kitchen sink when lunch is over. Sincere service is a good instructor towards contentment,” he said.
Christian said encouraging children to rejoice at the success of others could be another way to tackle covetousness.
“Let them learn to praise other kids and take interest in their successes. Help them recognise when a child needs love or something they have. Encourage them to be happy to participate in someone else’s world,” he said.
According to the associate professor, parents who overindulge their children are doing them more harm than good. He said parents make the mistake of wanting to give their children everything.
“With the stress of a hectic life, some parents will buy their children whatever they want to keep them happy. This is wrong. This results in children who never become content because they will always want more. One result can be that they grow up with a covetous and materialistic personality,” he said.
Christian also noted that overprotecting children could create problems for children in adulthood. He said such children could grow up thinking they do not have to take responsibility for their actions and that the world owes them instead.
“It is our job as parents to teach our children to know that they can cope with pain and disappointment in life. We need to let them know that challenges are part of life. They need to learn to take responsibility for their own lives. Children who learn to deal with their problems will build self-confidence and be able to cope with the disappointing times in life,” he said.
Source: Punch
