(ADVICE NEEDED): Help! How Can We Ever Get Past This Affair When His Mistress Is Still Stalking Us?


My boyfriend and I are high school sweethearts. We broke up in college, reconnected three years ago and now have a 23-month-old daughter together.

Earlier this year, he entered a five-month sexual relationship with a woman, who was affiliated with his job. He continued to communicate with her after he stopped physical contact. She threatened to tell me after realizing that he was no longer interested. He ended up telling me first.

Shortly after he told me, she began harassing me, my friends and my family on Facebook. She also sent messages to me on other means of social media. After a short reprieve, she discovered where I work and has been calling me at my job leaving vile messages threatening my 23-month-old daughter and me.

I’ve taken legal steps to stop the harassment and contact as has he. We agreed to counseling, which has been good, but the therapist seems to think that we already have a good handle on our recovery.

To date, my boyfriend has been very accommodating with my few requests. One of which was to get a new mattress at his home. I also asked if we could redo his bedroom. Initially, he said anything you need to get you back in our home (we call it 2 houses, one home since we still have 2 residences).

I sent a picture of a room that was inspiration for me. He responded that he wanted to keep the color of the room the same. That set me into an emotional spin that I did not expect. I took it as a sign that he was unwilling to change or do what was necessary for me to feel comfortable in his house again. I shut down, and he became frustrated.

After we talked, he said that there was miscommunication because in my text, I didn’t say that I was referencing the color and not the entire picture. I still felt very emotional and felt that he was not being empathetic to me. We’re at odds now.

I’m curious as to why I reacted so strongly about the color of a room and why he just wouldn’t allow me to do what I need to feel comfortable again.

It’s possible that we are both still stressing from the constant stalking and harassing behavior of his affair partner. She’s a daily part of our lives right now as she calls, texts, emails, shows up to his job frequently.

Perhaps, we will be unable to move toward true healing until her presence is gone. My question is how can we move toward reconciliation while still feeling the presence of the affair partner and what was behind his pushback on changing the color of a room?

I appreciate any light and insight you are able to shine on this very dark situation.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here