Should you leave your marriage or relationship? Here are some major red flags that it may be time.
Navigating relationships is not always easy. You start out as strangers, get to know each other and then decide if you like each other enough to stay together. But, sometimes, there are some big reasons not to stay in that relationship.
“The person with whom you choose to go through life can even determine what you achieve in your professional life. The right partner makes all the difference. It’s always tough to decide when to leave versus when to stay and work it out — your emotions make it tough to be objective,” stated a professional matchmaker.
To simplify deciding when to stay or when to go, mindbodygreen outlines some definite deal-breakers, and some resolvable issues.
1. No interest in commitment when that’s important to you
Why stay with someone who won’t commit to you? Maybe they’ll come around, but you can’t change them (see number #2). If you’re interested in marriage and they’re not, it’s probably not going to happen. You should find someone who wants to commit to you and the relationship.
2. If you think you can “fix” something about them
News flash: The only person you can change is yourself. So if you think you can go into or stay in a relationship and change your partner, think again. Only if your partner wants to change, will they actually try to change. If something major needs fixing, you’re better off without that relationship.
3. A major character flaw
If your partner has an addiction to drugs, has problems with alcoholism, has cheated habitually in the past or is doing so currently, or if they have the terrible habit of constantly telling lies, you may want to run the other way. If they’re willing to work on their problem with a professional, reconsider the relationship only after they have truly changed.
4. Extreme jealousy and lack of trust for no reason
If your partner gets jealous if you talk to another person, keeps you on a short leash with your friendships, time out of the house is monitored or if you have no privacy (think phones, journals, computer, etc.), this may be a huge sign that you’re not in a good relationship. Relationships require trust. You can’t build a relationship on jealousy and distrust.
5 . If ANY type of abuse is present — verbal, physical or sexual
Abuse toward you or a child is not OK — ever. No one deserves to be treated in an abusive way, even if the abuser says it’s your fault. Belittling, name-calling, hitting, controlling, manipulating and anything else that makes you feel less-than, is abuse. Even within a marriage, if you don’t consent to sexual relations and you’re forced into them, that is sexual abuse. Use family or friends to help you get out of that situation — NOW. If needed, look for a shelter for victims. Abuse in any form is never OK.
The following four instances do not have to be relationship deal-breakers. Take some time to work on it before giving up.
1. When you’re going through a rough patch
All strong relationships go through rough spots. Work together and make your relationship better as you overcome difficulties.
2. Infidelity — IF both partners are willing to work together to heal the relationship
This one is tricky because there’s so much betrayal and loss of trust. Individual circumstances should be considered, but it doesn’t have to end the relationship (habitual infidelity is a different story; see #3 on character flaws).
3. A big fight
If it wasn’t over something major, work it out, forgive and apologize and move forward together. A fight doesn’t mean it’s over.
4. When the romantic spark dims
If you feel more like friends than lovers, it’s time to court each other like you did when you first fell in love. Go on dates. Take a trip together — without the kids. Write love letters to each other. Buy your partner a special gift, just because. Hold hands, kiss or otherwise spend time rediscovering your intimate connection.
Most relationships can overcome challenges with hard work, love, forgiveness and apologies — as long as both partners work together.