Judge Uses Poem Verse To Deny Lawsuit


A judge in Columbus wrote a poem to let a prisoner suing an Ohio penitentiary for “emotional distress” know that his lawsuit was being denied and read it in court. Franklin County Common Pleas Judge David E. Cain, 72, dismissed Darek Lathan’s lawsuit seeking $2 million in damages over a denied bathroom break.

Lathan, an inmate at the Correctional Reception Center in Orient near Columbus, filed three civil lawsuits against the prison in October. The case before Cain involved an accident Lathan had when a guard did not let him leave a line to use the bathroom. Lathan was sentenced in January 2015 to 17 months in prison after pleading guilty to felony vandalism. Cain’s poem explained what occurred and his rejection of Lathan’s argument:

Cold showers caused his bowels to malfunction

Or so the plaintiff claims

A strict uncaring prison guard

Is whom the plaintiff blames.

While in line for recreation

And little time for hesitation

His anal sphincter just exploded

The plaintiff’s britches quickly loaded.

It made the inmates laugh and play

To see the plaintiff’s pants this way

The foul, unsightly, putrid mess

Caused the plaintiff major stress.

Claiming loss and shame to boot

The plaintiff filed the present suit

But the law provideth no relief

From such unmitigated grief.

Neither runs nor constipation

Can justify this litigation

Whether bowels constrict or flex

De minimus non curat lex.

The last line translates as “the law takes no account of trifles,” the judge said.




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