If I had a nickel for everytime a spouse sat on my couch and told me “I never saw this coming…I thought we were happy!” I think I’d be rich by now.
As a marriage counselor, I get it. People think that just because they’re in a happy marriage it means that their marriage is not at risk for infidelity. But the truth is, that’s far from the truth.
There are lots of reasons spouses cheat – most have nothing to do with the marriage
It’s a common misconception that spouses cheat because they’re unhappy in their marriage. In fact, most of the time when couples sit on my couch, the person who had the affair says that they still love their spouse.
They say that they love their kids, too and even enjoy their life for the most part. Most of the time the person who cheated will say that they were actually pretty happy.
Why would a spouse cheat if they’re happy?
In counseling, most spouses who cheat get to the point where they identify some sort of displeasure with themselves as the reason they cheated.
For example, they feel overly compelled to achieve at work. Or they feel inadequate as a parent. Or they have demons in their closet from several years ago that have never been resolved.
Instead of embracing these insecurities and trying to fix them, they try to hide it. They paint on a smile as though everything is fine even though underneath things are far from it. And that’s what causes the affair.
Instead of being able to talk out loud about their insecurities, wants, regrets, etc. they continue on living a life that makes them only superficially happy. But they have deeper desires that are going unfulfilled.
It’s the need to fulfill those deeper desires and their inability to talk out loud about them that makes them try to get them fulfilled in secrecy (e.g. by having an affair).
Happy marriages do not safeguard against infidelity
It makes sense, then, why couples sit on my couch telling me they never saw an affair coming. Because the tighter a couple holds on to a facade of happiness without embracing and talking openly about the times that aren’t, it runs the risk of secrecy.
So instead of believing that you and your partner are happy, have more heart-to-heart talks with each other. Listen to each other wholeheartedly and without judgment. Really try to listen to each other and embrace each others’ inadequacies. Sure, these conversations may not be pretty and they may be about some unusual things you never thought you’d need to talk about. But having them means you’re getting problems out on the table and addressing them instead of keeping secrets.
You can help your partner and your marriage
Just because affairs are more about an individuals’ own insecurities or feelings of inadequacy, doesn’t mean you can’t make your marriage less vulnerable to an affair.
If your partner feels like they’ve had to hide things from you, there’s often something you’re doing to send them that message. This keeps them from feeling comfortable talking to you.
Take a look inside yourself and find out what your most uncomfortable topics could be: sex, fantasies, old girl/boyfriends, in-laws, and parenting are some of the most common ones. If you’re uncomfortable talking about them, the chances are that your spouse is also uncomfortable talking about them with you.
This sets up a potential for secrecy and makes your relationship vulnerable to an affair. So talk openly with your partner. The more you and your partner talk openly about your shortcoming and inadequacies with each other, the more secure your marriage will be.
Try not to have topics that you just won’t talk about with your spouse, instead, try to push yourself to talk about them. It’s probably not as scary as you might think.
Instead of just creating a facade of happiness, you’ll be addressing and overcoming the challenges in your marriage that will make it truly happy
Avoid These Nigerians Food To Burn Stubborn Belly Fat (Video)
Being overweight or obese can be detrimental to your health. It is not advisable to have excess fat in the abdominal cavity because it can lead to some health issues. Getting your dream body will not be easy and you need to make some sacrifices to your diet. You will also need to turn a blind eye to some fatty foods.
If you’re ready to get rid of the belly fat, then stay put as Information Nigeria brings you some important tips that will help.
1. Avoid sugar and carbonated drinks
Did you know that consuming sugary substances like coke, fanta can lead to weight gain and a number of health problems like high blood pressure?. This is due to the high fructose content found in added sugars. Taking sugar-filled drinks may slow your metabolism and this in turn can make it harder for your body to burn fat. Fructose can only be metabolized by your liver. When you consume too much, you push your liver to its limit and it becomes overloaded, then it turns the fructose into fat and it ends up getting stored in your belly. To avoid putting yourself from risk, you should cut back on foods and drinks that contain huge amounts of sugar.
2. You also have to forgo junk foods like meat pie, cakes, rolls, candies, burgers, ice cream and cookies. You also need to do away with heavy foods like eba, akpu, pounded yam, rice among others. Switch up your eating habits and opt for a more balanced-diet if you want to burn your belly fat. Avoid consuming refined carbs like bread, pizza, potation chips etc. You should also stay away from processed and heavy foods because they contribute to stubborn belly fat. You should choose to eat proteinous foods like fish, eggs, and milk. starch contains fat, sugar and salt. They help a person feel fuller so you don’t end up looking for something to munch on after eating. It basically keeps hunger at bay.
3. Eat the right amount of fruits, vegetables, fibrous foods and whole grains – You can add vegetables, fruits and whole grains to your weight loss diet. They provide essential vitamins, minerals, fiber and other substances that are good for your body. Examples of fibre rich foods include; beans, broccoli, avocados, apples, oatmeal brown rice and whole grain bread.
4. Try to incorporate exercise into your daily or weekly routine – Exercise helps to speed up your metabolism and helps you shed weight. The bitter truth is that wearing just waist trainers and staying put in one position will not make you lose that stubborn belly fat. You should hit the gym.
5 Reduce alcohol intake – Excess intake of alcohol also leads to a host of health problems especially the build-up of fat in the belly area. Have you ever noticed that those who drink alcohol, especially men, often develop ‘pot-bellies’. Alcoholic drinks like beer provide your body with calories and very little nutrients. It can also increase your appetite. Replace the alcoholic drinks with water or alternate with low calorie, non-alcoholic beverages. Too much alcohol can cause liver damage and other serious health problems.
6. Try out apple cider vinegar – Apple cider vinegar is made in a two-step fermentation process. It is obtained from apples that have been crushed, distilled and fermented. Acetic acid is the main active component of apple cider vinegar. It is safe for consumption in small quantities and can be taken as a supplement. Do not also consume it straight from the bottle or in its pure form. Add 1 to 2 tablespoons to water before you drink. You can also add honey or lemon. It is best to drink it before your meals. Research shows it has many health benefits, such as lowering blood sugar levels.
Williams Uchemba And His Wife Exchange Wedding Vows In Lagos (Video)
Popular Nigerian actor, Williams Uchemba and his wife, Brunella Oscar have officially solemnized their union.
The couple finally exchanged their wedding vows at Dominion city church in Lagos state.
The beautiful wedding ceremony was reportedly officiated by the founder of the church, Dr. David Chukwudi Ogbueli alias Papa Eagle.
Celebrities, fans and well-wishers poured in congratulatory message for the couple after photos and videos from the ceremony hit the internet.
The actor wore a sleek tuxedo, while his bride, wore a lovely white gown.
Watch the videos below:
— Ngozi Clara (@ngoziclara) November 21, 2020
Actor, Model, Comedian, Philanthropist… Meet The Latest Groom, Williams Uchemba
Williams Uchemba, who was born on October 22, is an actor, motivational speaker, model, comedian, entrepreneur and philanthropist. The Abia-born thespian graduated with a Bachelor’s Degree in International Relation from the University of Nigeria, Nsukka in Enugu State.
Uchemba began his career in the early 2000s as a child actor and came into the limelight in 2001 after appearing in the Nollywood blockbuster movie, “The Journey of the Dead” along with Olu Jacobs, Ramsey Noah, and Pete Edochie.
Since then, the multi-talented actor never looked back as he has gone ahead to feature in more blockbuster movies like Sugar Rush (2019), Merry Men 2(2019) and Story Story: The African Rideshare (2018). He is the recipient of several awards.
The actor adopted an 18-year-old furniture maker in June and he promised to sponsor his education. He recently got married to his longtime girlfriend, Brunella Oscar at her hometown, Alor in Anambra state. The actor’s wife, Brunella opened up on their love story with Wedding Digest Naija and she disclosed that she made the first move. According to the English trained medical doctor, they both met on Facebook after she sent him a message.
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