Have a heart.
Most of the time we’re so consumed by how to snare, keep, or please a man that we never learn one of the most important aspects of dating — how to break up with him!
Ever heard the phrase ‘write what you know?’ Well, I don’t know how to make relationships work. I don’t know how to maintain love after all these years or how to take a bad relationship and turn it into a good one. What I do know is how to break up with a guy. I know enough about breaking up with guys to write The Book on it. Or, at least, write an article on it. Like any skill, I learned through a very extensive trial and error process, leaving a wake of bruised egos, uncomfortable situations, and most depressing, months of prolonged, mediocre relationships. So, fear not, I learned how to do this gracefully — you can too.
Here are the dos and don’ts for breaking up at any stage in a relationship.
1. Recognize when it’s time to end your relationship.
While this may seem obvious, it can take a very long time to become self-assured enough to realize that you don’t have to go out with any and every guy who asks you. Don’t forget you have choices! At any phase in a relationship, you know when the spark is there; conversely, you know when it’s not. It is impossible to force yourself to like someone. Believe me, I’ve tried.
No longer attracted to him? It’s a pretty good indication your feelings are waning. If he’s mean to you, takes advantage of you, has crossed the line from having fun-on-the-weekend to being a drug or alcohol addict, or just isn’t giving you what you need and deserve, it is time to move on. Some relationships are worth working on—recognizing when they’re not is more important than trying to fix something that’s worthless.
2. Don’t go to extremes.
We’ve all experienced it — the guys who don’t return calls or emails, leaving you wondering just what happened and if you’ll ever hear from him again. The post-it note explanation or the non-confrontational route can leave you confused and full of questions. That’s why you shouldn’t phase him out by ignoring him.
There is only one acceptable time it’s OK to not return his call or email or text (however the two of you are communicating): if you’ve only had one date. If he knows your cat’s name, that you like to be bitten, or that you like ketchup on your eggs, it’s gotten too involved to abruptly cut him off. If he has no indication that the relationship isn’t progressing as well as he thinks it is, it will be confusing and hurtful when he receives no closure and no attempt at an explanation.
It’s the other extreme — when your partner has too much to say — that is often more painful than being ignored. After a whirlwind month-long relationship, my friend sat through a four-hour explanation about why her guy no longer wanted to see her since she “sucked the life out of [him].” Another friend woke up after a first date to find a pages-long email detailing why, exactly, the guy could never go out with her again. This method is overkill. No one needs to be punished with too much information, making their head spin and their tears flow.
Both of these extremes methods are unnecessarily mean, violating the third rule.
3. Don’t be mean for the sake of being mean.
Don’t explode, saying all of those ugly things you’ve been bottling up for months. There’s no point — you’re getting rid of him now. If you haven’t told him the constructive things (so maybe his breath isn’t great or he’s not always fresh down there) while you were together and wait to blurt them out at the end, you’ll seem petty and horrible. And really, there’s no excuse for that. You liked him enough to be with him initially so there’s no need to cut him down just to make yourself feel better. Rejection is hard enough for him to take — having to hear mean or rude remarks will just make him resent you.
4. Don’t use clichés.
You know that old cliché, ‘it’s not you, it’s me?’ This line is an easy way to excuse yourself from a relationship without pointing out the faults and foibles of the person you’re breaking up with. However, you don’t want to look like you’re being rude or insincere, so instead of relying on something so trite, use a variation of this theme. Also, unless you truly want to remain friends with your guy, don’t tell him that you do. Pretending you might have a future together will just prolong the break-up process.
5. Don’t break up with him in public.
You might think a public break-up will make things easier for you since he won’t want to cause a scene, but it’s rude to do this in front of strangers and you’ll needlessly embarrass him. Remember, the point isn’t to make you feel better — you’re the one doing the dumping — you need to be considerate of his feelings. By breaking up with him while he’s at home, you allow him to stay in his comfort zone; something he’ll appreciate when he’s going through the less than comfortable break-up process.
6. Be prepared for his possible reactions.
People respond differently to break-ups and it’s important to know how you’ll react when faced with a range of his emotions. Be prepared for him to bargain with you. He might offer to spend more time with you, be more attentive, or anything else you’ve complained about in the past was lacking in the relationship. Know before going into the break-up talk if his offers will be enough for you. If not, don’t be swayed by his last-ditch attempt to make things work — don’t be rude, but be resolute. Also, be prepared for him to be confused, angry, or even mean to you. While girls cry, guys often get hostile when they’re hurt. By remaining calm and in control, you can get through this awkward discussion and painful process.
7. All relationships are not created equally.
Consider your time frame: just like there are different levels of relationships, there are different levels of break-ups.
Been together a month or less? Breaking up over the phone is acceptable. And no, email and texting don’t count! What would you do if a guy broke up with you online? If you’re anything like me, you’d forward it to all of your friends as evidence of his rudeness. So, don’t be that texting b***h (remember, emails are evidence that only he has the power to erase), suck it up and call him. Breaking up over the phone should take no longer than five minutes. Be respectful and choose a night when you know he’ll be home (you shouldn’t leave a break-up message on his voice mail or machine).
If you’ve been dating for a few months or if he’s your boyfriend, break up with him in person. You should go to his place, but make sure you don’t do this under false pretenses (don’t pretend you’re going to a movie or out to dinner). You’re not trying to trick him, just talk to him. Once you get to his place, make sure he’s comfortable. Be calm. Do not attack him. Instead, be patient and, without launching into an over- explanation of why things aren’t working, have “The Talk.”
8. How to have “The Talk.”
Start the discussion by telling him you need to talk. Yes, he’ll probably get an idea right then that things aren’t working for you and that’s fine.
Always start with a compliment. This will make him feel better about himself and it will start things off on a positive note. Without being unnecessarily dramatic, tell him that although he’s a great guy and that you’ve enjoyed the time you’ve spent together, the relationship isn’t working out for you. By using the word “me,” you’re taking ownership over the situation, instead of blaming him by saying “you did this or didn’t do that.” He’ll probably ask you some questions and you should answer them honestly, but succinctly. There’s no need to divulge mean thoughts, lengthy explanations, or explicit details about why you no longer want to be with him—the fact is that you don’t. If he presses you for a reason you merely need to say that you no longer have the same feelings for him that you once did. And that’s it. He’ll respect your honesty and directness and you’ll feel better about being so upfront with him.
9. The most important rule is to treat him how you’d want to be treated.
I know, I know this might sound clichéd, but breaking up is one of those things you will most likely experience from both sides, both as the heartbreaker and the one getting your heart broken. Think someone dumped you badly so you have an excuse to do it to someone else? Don’t do it—it can still happen to you again and break-up karma is a bitch.
Avoid These Nigerians Food To Burn Stubborn Belly Fat (Video)
Being overweight or obese can be detrimental to your health. It is not advisable to have excess fat in the abdominal cavity because it can lead to some health issues. Getting your dream body will not be easy and you need to make some sacrifices to your diet. You will also need to turn a blind eye to some fatty foods.
If you’re ready to get rid of the belly fat, then stay put as Information Nigeria brings you some important tips that will help.
1. Avoid sugar and carbonated drinks
Did you know that consuming sugary substances like coke, fanta can lead to weight gain and a number of health problems like high blood pressure?. This is due to the high fructose content found in added sugars. Taking sugar-filled drinks may slow your metabolism and this in turn can make it harder for your body to burn fat. Fructose can only be metabolized by your liver. When you consume too much, you push your liver to its limit and it becomes overloaded, then it turns the fructose into fat and it ends up getting stored in your belly. To avoid putting yourself from risk, you should cut back on foods and drinks that contain huge amounts of sugar.
2. You also have to forgo junk foods like meat pie, cakes, rolls, candies, burgers, ice cream and cookies. You also need to do away with heavy foods like eba, akpu, pounded yam, rice among others. Switch up your eating habits and opt for a more balanced-diet if you want to burn your belly fat. Avoid consuming refined carbs like bread, pizza, potation chips etc. You should also stay away from processed and heavy foods because they contribute to stubborn belly fat. You should choose to eat proteinous foods like fish, eggs, and milk. starch contains fat, sugar and salt. They help a person feel fuller so you don’t end up looking for something to munch on after eating. It basically keeps hunger at bay.
3. Eat the right amount of fruits, vegetables, fibrous foods and whole grains – You can add vegetables, fruits and whole grains to your weight loss diet. They provide essential vitamins, minerals, fiber and other substances that are good for your body. Examples of fibre rich foods include; beans, broccoli, avocados, apples, oatmeal brown rice and whole grain bread.
4. Try to incorporate exercise into your daily or weekly routine – Exercise helps to speed up your metabolism and helps you shed weight. The bitter truth is that wearing just waist trainers and staying put in one position will not make you lose that stubborn belly fat. You should hit the gym.
5 Reduce alcohol intake – Excess intake of alcohol also leads to a host of health problems especially the build-up of fat in the belly area. Have you ever noticed that those who drink alcohol, especially men, often develop ‘pot-bellies’. Alcoholic drinks like beer provide your body with calories and very little nutrients. It can also increase your appetite. Replace the alcoholic drinks with water or alternate with low calorie, non-alcoholic beverages. Too much alcohol can cause liver damage and other serious health problems.
6. Try out apple cider vinegar – Apple cider vinegar is made in a two-step fermentation process. It is obtained from apples that have been crushed, distilled and fermented. Acetic acid is the main active component of apple cider vinegar. It is safe for consumption in small quantities and can be taken as a supplement. Do not also consume it straight from the bottle or in its pure form. Add 1 to 2 tablespoons to water before you drink. You can also add honey or lemon. It is best to drink it before your meals. Research shows it has many health benefits, such as lowering blood sugar levels.
Williams Uchemba And His Wife Exchange Wedding Vows In Lagos (Video)
Popular Nigerian actor, Williams Uchemba and his wife, Brunella Oscar have officially solemnized their union.
The couple finally exchanged their wedding vows at Dominion city church in Lagos state.
The beautiful wedding ceremony was reportedly officiated by the founder of the church, Dr. David Chukwudi Ogbueli alias Papa Eagle.
Celebrities, fans and well-wishers poured in congratulatory message for the couple after photos and videos from the ceremony hit the internet.
The actor wore a sleek tuxedo, while his bride, wore a lovely white gown.
Watch the videos below:
— Ngozi Clara (@ngoziclara) November 21, 2020
Actor, Model, Comedian, Philanthropist… Meet The Latest Groom, Williams Uchemba
Williams Uchemba, who was born on October 22, is an actor, motivational speaker, model, comedian, entrepreneur and philanthropist. The Abia-born thespian graduated with a Bachelor’s Degree in International Relation from the University of Nigeria, Nsukka in Enugu State.
Uchemba began his career in the early 2000s as a child actor and came into the limelight in 2001 after appearing in the Nollywood blockbuster movie, “The Journey of the Dead” along with Olu Jacobs, Ramsey Noah, and Pete Edochie.
Since then, the multi-talented actor never looked back as he has gone ahead to feature in more blockbuster movies like Sugar Rush (2019), Merry Men 2(2019) and Story Story: The African Rideshare (2018). He is the recipient of several awards.
The actor adopted an 18-year-old furniture maker in June and he promised to sponsor his education. He recently got married to his longtime girlfriend, Brunella Oscar at her hometown, Alor in Anambra state. The actor’s wife, Brunella opened up on their love story with Wedding Digest Naija and she disclosed that she made the first move. According to the English trained medical doctor, they both met on Facebook after she sent him a message.
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