You may be taking “hot mama” too literally.
In any relationship, you want to take care of your partner and you want your partner to take care of you. But there comes a point when nurturing your relationship blurs into nurturing your partner, which isn’t always a bad thing — but it can become a bad thing if it goes too far. Just because you call a man “baby” doesn’t mean you’re his mom. And let’s be honest, those of you who’ve met his mom already: Do you want to be that person? Because he loves that person, but he doesn’t want to have sex with that person. (If he does, you’re dating Norman Bates and you need to run.)
Here’s how to tell if you’re crossing the line from girlfriend to mother-figure for your boy:
1. You pick out his clothes.
I have to admit I’m somewhat guilty of this — and a lot of us are —because often straight men don’t always know how to put an outfit together. But when you’re buying his clothes, setting out his outfits the night before and making sure his socks don’t stick out of his shoes before he leaves the house, you’re edging very closely into mother-territory. Especially if you make the poor guy wear sweater vests.
2. You clean up after him.
He’s an adult. If he leaves his socks on the floor, let it be his problem. If he spills his beer, he can wipe it up. If he pees on the seat, he needs to wipe it himself. Which leads me to …
3. You wipe his ass.
Unless he has some sort of debilitating surgery or medical condition that keeps him from the most basic hygienic practices, you need to not be over there outside of the bedroom (if that’s your thing).
4. You’ve called him out of work.
If your boo doesn’t have laryngitis or isn’t otherwise vocally incapacitated, this isn’t your job. Let him man up and act like a responsible adult.
5. You fight his battles.
Of course in a relationship you have one another’s backs. But if your boyfriend or husband has a fight with their sibling or pal and immediately runs to you expecting you to fix it for them, you’re not having his back, you’re holding him back. You’re enabling his passive-aggressive, whiny, childish behavior, which just means more drama for you that you don’t need.
6. You have to nag him to do basic things.
Laundry, looking for work, taking out the trash, cleaning the dishes once in a while: You shouldn’t have to give him a list of chores to do like a child. A responsible adult will do things on his own. If he doesn’t, why the hell are you dating him? Love yourself.
7. You roll your eyes and watch him play video games.
No. No. You pick up the controller, and you Whoop. His. Ass.