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3 Reasons He Cheats, 3 Reasons She Stays

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article-201441112492410164000When the question, “Why do men cheat” is asked, there are various answers given. The answers run the gamut from plausible to laughable depending on whom the question is asked and how that person has been socialized, their worldview which shapes how they see the world and their place within it. It is a legitimate question asked by those who have suffered from the (forbidden) fruit produced from this selfish behavior. They deserve a legitimate answer. What follows are three common reasons that are given for why he cheats and more importantly, why she stays.
Variety

According to many, “Variety is the spice of life.” That takes on a different light when applied to cheating. Some men boast a “natural” penchant for variety. By natural, they mean innate, giving a pseudo-scientific spin to infidelity thereby justifying the behavior as an act of evolution. Multiple women are sought to feed this inherent “need.” Variety provides a great way to experience a more fulfilling life in a proper context which lends itself to outcomes that enrich an individual’s life and their significant other. Love provides the opportunity for two to experience the richness of its depths in a variety of ways within an exclusive union. It is foolish to assume or worse to make an excuse for cheating on the basis of a need for variety.
Unhappy

Another popular reason given by men for cheating is being unhappy in their current relationships. No one wants to be unhappy and no one has to be. There is always an opportunity to make a better, more suitable choice. The proper course of action, when a man wants to retain honor, would be to end one relationship then, pursue a more compatible partner to begin a new meaningful relationship with.

This path guarantees to leave a man’s honor intact if that is his desire. It should be apparent that men that use this excuse are not concerned with maintaining honor. No man concerned with honor, cheats. This reason, just as the last, is easily proven to be a weak selfish excuse. Cheating does not increase happiness in an unhappy relationship. Neither is that the intention of the perpetrator.
It’s Just Sex: It doesn’t mean anything

The only time a man argues, “It didn’t mean anything” is when he is the culprit. When a man is the victim of this type of betrayal, sex somehow is elevated to far more than a meaningless act of passion that is easily forgotten and forgiven. This is his excuse to lessen the impact and responsibility of his transgression. The damage done is not physical, like the act that caused it.

If it were only physical, it would be easy for a woman to overcome. The body is designed to heal itself. A breach of trust does not heal itself like a flesh wound. Those wounds which are hidden from plain sight are the hardest to heal especially when the damage occurs repeatedly.

Why She Stays

“Why does she stay?” Both the woman and the man have a ‘why’ that begs an answer, the woman even more so than the man. The cheating man benefits from his actions. That is not a justification of the appalling ignoble acts of men that abuse the privilege to love a woman. It’s merely a statement of an unfortunate fact. It’s too easy and over-simplifying to say that it’s a matter choice. That response is dismissive. It looks no further for an understanding of why someone would make a choice that offers them no benefit. Neither does it give a reason why a particular choice is made when better choices are available to make. Here are three reasons given that we will explore for understanding.
Fear of Being Alone

Atop the list of reasons women continue in relationships with cheating men is a fear of being alone according to some findings. One must question the truthfulness of this answer. I’m not suggesting that the woman that gives this response is lying at all. Instead, I would submit that her response is one heavily influenced by emotions that leave her distraught and in despair.

The effects of her emotional state are exacerbated when her experiences are repeated in one relationship after another. The real truth is that she doesn’t fear being alone as much as she fears the thought of rejection from another man that she has given her all to only to be made to feel inadequate. She would choose to feel alone in a relationship that offers her familiarity rather than one that offers her hope for a love that she has only dreamed of, but never known.
I Can Change Him

Recently, this reason surfaced in a couple of different conversations I was engaged in. These were the words spoken to me in one conversation. “We want the bad boys because we think we can change them.” This is a true mission of hope (lessness). The act of changing him is in fact an effort to save him. The “Savior’s Complex” is often misunderstood. A woman’s attempt to save her bad boy is primarily a means to show that she is worthy of his love.

If she can save him, she can establish that her value outweighs those of his other dalliances. Unfortunately, this is an exercise in futility. Indeed, she deserves the love and devotion of a man, but should never expect to find love with a man who cheats. He has a misunderstanding of his role as a man. Manhood is predicated on behavior. Just as a tree is known by its fruit, a man is known by his actions. A woman will never experience love from a man who disregards one of the very tenets upon which love is founded, trust.
He’s Just Being a Man

For authentic men across the world, this is probably the most heart-breaking but, also offensive response ever given. Authentic men take issue with this mischaracterization being associated with genuine manhood. The acceptance of this premise would seem to legitimize illegitimate behavior. That is just as much a contradiction as the behavior it seeks to explain. At the heart of this idea is a woman who only wants to make sense of that which is nonsense. She deserves better. Her heart only wants an explanation for the pain it must endure.

For the sake of clarity in the event it was missed, there are absolutely no justifiable reasons for a man to ever cheat on a woman. Infidelity is a deceitful act of cowardice and betrayal. Even when a woman accepts such degrading treatment, it never absolves a man of his responsibility for the harm he inflicts upon her and the subsequent damage that usually follows in succeeding relationships with the men that follow.

There are no good reasons for a woman to continue dating a man that demonstrates, his behavior, that he is a poor choice for a relationship. Her continued involvement with him will only serve to shape and contaminate her beliefs about men in general. Her beliefs about men will conform to her repeated negative experiences.

Why she stays should only be because she has been found by a man who loves her in the true essence of the word and shows in his deeds. In love, there is no separation between words and actions. One speaks no louder than the other. They are one. Cheating does not exist in this space.

source: blackandmarriedwithkids.com

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1 Comment

1 Comment

  1. nadine

    March 31, 2015 at 12:13 pm

    Nice one

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Travel

Exotic Resorts May Be the Best Bet for a Holiday

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An exotic vacation usually means exploring a distant foreign country, whilst resorts are places
to go for rest, sport, or which offers a particular speciality, with many resorts being part of a
popular tourist destination or on or near a beach. If you are planning a vacation to an exotic
resort it can be a once-in-a-lifetime vacation to a far-flung destination or a luxurious place to
stay closer to home where you can enjoy some pampering.

Why stay at an exotic resort

Exotic resorts often offer all-inclusive vacation deals, along with other options that leave you
to plan your stay more precisely to your own wishes. These resorts offer excellent customer
service, superb accommodation and facilities and are usually to be found in beautiful settings.
Here are some of the best resorts from around the world for you to consider:

Four Seasons Resort, Seychelles
This famous resort has made many feel they have entered Paradise. The gentle ocean breeze
floats up the granite hillside and into your tree-house villa tucked away from the other guests
staying at the resort. This is perfect for encouraging you to relax, either by your private pool
or in the clear blue waters of Petite Anse Bay. Perfect for a romantic stay, there is a Spa for
pampering and the chance for a sunset meal on a deserted beach.

Some enjoy simply sitting on their balcony, gazing at the ocean between reading their book,
sketching or checking out international bookmakers and betting sites for the chance of a
flutter. If you want another type of adrenaline kick, check out the resorts excellent kayaking
and snorkelling facilities, which are recommended by nearly all who try it.

Anantara Resort, Hua Hin, Thailand

The ultimate tropical getaway, the Anantara Resort is an award-winning site modelled on a
traditional Thai village and is just three hours drive south of Bangkok. The location is where
Thai royalty and aristocrats have been holidaying for almost one-hundred years. Today, you
can visit historical attractions alongside theme parks and shops as well as vineyards and golf
courses.

The resort is set among 14 acres of lush tropical grounds with lotus-filled lagoons and
meandering pathways through exotic foliage, with many rooms overlooking the shoreline.
Each day, chefs prepare freshly caught local seafood alongside Thai specialities. The resort
also has an award-winning spa located within a lagoon-inspired oasis offering you the perfect
opportunity to relax.

Kurumba, Maldives

Kurumba is a well-established resort that opened almost 50 years ago and continues to offer
superb hospitality and contemporary facilities. There are seven speciality restaurants offering
cuisine from Italy to the Middle East as well as Thila, a restaurant which extends out over the
water which offers gourmet breakfasts and seafood dinners.

You can go snorkelling over the nearby reef full of colourful marine life or sign up to a dive
package as part of your stay, or just enjoy a private pool when staying at one of the spacious
villages. There are also deluxe beachfront bungalows offering direct beach access and views
of the crystal-clear waters.

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Coronavirus

Healthcare Workers To Receive Coca-Cola-Funded PPEs From Nigerian Red Cross

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Since the outbreak of the Coronavirus disease in Nigeria, our healthcare workers have continued to lead the charge against the disease. As the number of recorded COVID-19 cases in Nigeria began to increase, these healthcare workers rose to the challenge and fought tirelessly to protect the lives of Nigerians impacted by the disease.

Considering the risks these healthcare workers face, there is a crucial need for adequate protective equipment for these brave frontline workers.

Coca-Cola is excited that over 400,000 Personal Protective Equipment (PPEs) procured to support the intervention efforts of the Nigerian Government and other key stakeholders to fight the COVID 19 pandemic have arrived. We do believe that this will to provide succor to our healthcare workers on the frontlines

These PPEs comprise N95 respirators, surgical masks, examination gloves, face shields, medical gowns, no-touch thermometers, disposable aprons, heavy-duty rubber gloves, rubber boots, basic masks, disposable gloves, and hand sanitizers.

Since the first confirmed case of the disease in Nigeria reported in February, over 800 healthcare workers have contracted the disease. While Nigerians are encouraged to stay home where possible and practice social distancing, these healthcare workers are needed across the country in the continued fight against the disease.

This donation forms part of The Coca-Cola Foundation’s COVID-19 relief interventions in Nigeria. The Coca-Cola Foundation has provided $2.5m in grant to IFRC who seeks to directly impact the lives of 1.4 million people in Nigeria and across other countries in West and Central Africa under this partnership.

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Events in Nigeria

Taking Care of Tomorrow’s Leaders Today – The itel, Lagos Food Bank Example

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Waking up to a special meal or choice gift is the best feeling ever. Hundreds of children in Mushin, mainland Lagos, had a filling taste of this feeling for the October 1 st celebrations. It’s an experience they will remember for a long time.

Being one of the most responsible corporate citizens around, celebrating Independence Day was always going to be on the radar for itel Mobile. To make this possible and memorable, the brand got to work in earnest. The focus of the work was picking the best way to commemorate the 60th independence anniversary of the most populous black nation on earth.

The efforts soon paid off through an impact-driven partnership with the Lagos Food Bank Initiative. With the arrangement, both partners considered a couple of activities capable of affecting communities positively and bringing smiles to people’s faces in Lagos. At the end of the exercise, taking care of children, the leaders of tomorrow, in the commercial city secured the highest votes.

With the decision, itel Mobile set about making this happen. Not surprisingly, the decision was
influenced by giving children the means to excel and prepare them for leadership and nation-building, for them to enjoy better life. For the good of their immediate family, community and the Nigerian society.

Idiko, Mushin, a suburb of mainland Lagos, was chosen as the benefiting community. And the partners strategically reached out to the beneficiaries, children and families, with gifts of love, care, happiness and support made possible by the itel Love Always On CSR initiative.

Over 1,000 families benefited from the gesture as well as 600 children, and each one of them received food packages to celebrate Nigeria’s 60 th Independence Day commemoration.

Speaking on the event and itel’s Love Always On CSR Initiative, Oke Umurhohwo, itel’s Marketing Manager said, ‘We wanted to mark this year’s Independence Day celebrations differently, and that is why we did something so momentous for our children. Children are the backbone of any longstanding community, and as such, we are proud to be able to give back and support them on their journey as leaders of tomorrow and for a better life.’

To meet the demands of the memorable event, 30 volunteers joined the customer-centric brand and the Lagos-based NGO to share smiles, and to convey just how important it is to love and take care of today’s children who will ultimately become leaders of tomorrow.

With the thoughtful activity, there are insights for everyone, from the government to citizens, on partnerships that are capable of making life better for children. Indeed, itel Mobile and the Lagos Food Bank Initiative have offered a great template on bringing this to reality.

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