For years I’ve gone back and forth about whether I should write this post, but every time I thought to put this story on paper, I changed my mind. As a writer, it’s tempting to share the shiny side, those stories where my faith, level-headedness and good-decision making skills prevail. But if I’m going to share the glowing stories about myself, I have to do the hard work of sharing the other side.
Years ago, when I was 21, in college, and fresh out of a relationship I had been in since 9th grade, I met and dated a married man. I wasn’t deceived. I knew he was married with children. Even though the affair only lasted for a few months, it took years for me to own my part without making excuses and to understand why I settled for being the side chick.
I had no idea what marriage meant. To me, marriage was just boyfriend/girlfriend on a pedestal. I knew that it was wrong because I knew that adultery was a sin. But I had no grasp of the impact of inserting myself into the life that this couple had built. And I wasn’t alone in my opinion. I remember confessing about the relationship to a friend who responded: “Well, it’s not your fault. He’s the one who chose to get married young.” Over time, that justification transformed into the one so often used to defend taking on the role of a home-wrecker. I’m not the one breaking marriage vows so I’m not wrong.
I had no intention of trying to take his wife’s place. I didn’t want to be his wife. I didn’t have any desire for him to leave her. I thought I wasn’t like those women they always talk about, sitting around pining away for the day that he would choose me. He didn’t feed me stories about how they were having problems or getting separated. I knew exactly where I stood with him and had no questions about our future. I felt like I had found the most honest relationship possible by living a lie.
I felt like I had the upper hand. There’s this idea that the husband turns to the woman on the side because she will do all of the things that his wife won’t. For me, this couldn’t have been further from the truth. I never felt like I was doing all the things that his wife wouldn’t do. I believed that she was doing all of the things that I didn’t have to do. Watching my parents’ own tumultuous relationship, I knew what it was like to watch a wife be devastated by infidelity. One of the easiest ways to avoid that devastation was by being the woman on the side. I wasn’t the one at home crying, wondering where he was. I was the one who knew. I got the dates, the gifts, the attention, while she was doing laundry, paying bills and taking care of babies—I got all of the perks with none of the responsibility.
And then one day his wife called me. I never talked to her. I only knew because of the frantic voicemail her husband left. It was the first time I had ever thought about the fact that there were real consequences to this game. It was the first time that I thought of his wife as a real person, and began to acknowledge that I was causing pain in the life of a woman I had never met.
I Was Mary Jane; Why I Settled for Being the Side Chick
I wish I could say that was the catalyst for ending the relationship, but in truth I think that like so many things at that age, once it stopped being fun I just lost interest and walked away, consequence free.
Or so I thought. Until I got married.
Almost a decade later, after I had grown up and settled down, the past turned around and confronted me face to face. My actions from years earlier (when I watched a husband, a good father, and a good provider, say “I love you” to his wife while sitting next to me) caused me to second-guess everything my husband said when the tables were turned. I knew how freely her husband could lie about going away on business or having a night out with the boys, so why wouldn’t mine?
I spent the first part of my marriage terrified. I couldn’t trust my own husband because of my relationship with hers.
I’m sharing this now, not because of what shows like Being Mary Jane portray, but by the real-life conversations that have been sparked because of them. Many of those conversations center on the complexities of marriage relationships that make room for the woman on the side, often in one way or another letting the other woman off the hook.
Through my own experience, from being both a woman on the side and a wife, I’ve learned although relationships may be complex, the marriage vows are not. Marriage is too big for there to be room for someone else on the sidelines. By being the “side chick” I was putting myself front and center in the middle of someone else’s pain and setting myself up to play a starring role in my own.
Avoid These Nigerians Food To Burn Stubborn Belly Fat (Video)
Being overweight or obese can be detrimental to your health. It is not advisable to have excess fat in the abdominal cavity because it can lead to some health issues. Getting your dream body will not be easy and you need to make some sacrifices to your diet. You will also need to turn a blind eye to some fatty foods.
If you’re ready to get rid of the belly fat, then stay put as Information Nigeria brings you some important tips that will help.
1. Avoid sugar and carbonated drinks
Did you know that consuming sugary substances like coke, fanta can lead to weight gain and a number of health problems like high blood pressure?. This is due to the high fructose content found in added sugars. Taking sugar-filled drinks may slow your metabolism and this in turn can make it harder for your body to burn fat. Fructose can only be metabolized by your liver. When you consume too much, you push your liver to its limit and it becomes overloaded, then it turns the fructose into fat and it ends up getting stored in your belly. To avoid putting yourself from risk, you should cut back on foods and drinks that contain huge amounts of sugar.
2. You also have to forgo junk foods like meat pie, cakes, rolls, candies, burgers, ice cream and cookies. You also need to do away with heavy foods like eba, akpu, pounded yam, rice among others. Switch up your eating habits and opt for a more balanced-diet if you want to burn your belly fat. Avoid consuming refined carbs like bread, pizza, potation chips etc. You should also stay away from processed and heavy foods because they contribute to stubborn belly fat. You should choose to eat proteinous foods like fish, eggs, and milk. starch contains fat, sugar and salt. They help a person feel fuller so you don’t end up looking for something to munch on after eating. It basically keeps hunger at bay.
3. Eat the right amount of fruits, vegetables, fibrous foods and whole grains – You can add vegetables, fruits and whole grains to your weight loss diet. They provide essential vitamins, minerals, fiber and other substances that are good for your body. Examples of fibre rich foods include; beans, broccoli, avocados, apples, oatmeal brown rice and whole grain bread.
4. Try to incorporate exercise into your daily or weekly routine – Exercise helps to speed up your metabolism and helps you shed weight. The bitter truth is that wearing just waist trainers and staying put in one position will not make you lose that stubborn belly fat. You should hit the gym.
5 Reduce alcohol intake – Excess intake of alcohol also leads to a host of health problems especially the build-up of fat in the belly area. Have you ever noticed that those who drink alcohol, especially men, often develop ‘pot-bellies’. Alcoholic drinks like beer provide your body with calories and very little nutrients. It can also increase your appetite. Replace the alcoholic drinks with water or alternate with low calorie, non-alcoholic beverages. Too much alcohol can cause liver damage and other serious health problems.
6. Try out apple cider vinegar – Apple cider vinegar is made in a two-step fermentation process. It is obtained from apples that have been crushed, distilled and fermented. Acetic acid is the main active component of apple cider vinegar. It is safe for consumption in small quantities and can be taken as a supplement. Do not also consume it straight from the bottle or in its pure form. Add 1 to 2 tablespoons to water before you drink. You can also add honey or lemon. It is best to drink it before your meals. Research shows it has many health benefits, such as lowering blood sugar levels.
Williams Uchemba And His Wife Exchange Wedding Vows In Lagos (Video)
Popular Nigerian actor, Williams Uchemba and his wife, Brunella Oscar have officially solemnized their union.
The couple finally exchanged their wedding vows at Dominion city church in Lagos state.
The beautiful wedding ceremony was reportedly officiated by the founder of the church, Dr. David Chukwudi Ogbueli alias Papa Eagle.
Celebrities, fans and well-wishers poured in congratulatory message for the couple after photos and videos from the ceremony hit the internet.
The actor wore a sleek tuxedo, while his bride, wore a lovely white gown.
Watch the videos below:
— Ngozi Clara (@ngoziclara) November 21, 2020
Actor, Model, Comedian, Philanthropist… Meet The Latest Groom, Williams Uchemba
Williams Uchemba, who was born on October 22, is an actor, motivational speaker, model, comedian, entrepreneur and philanthropist. The Abia-born thespian graduated with a Bachelor’s Degree in International Relation from the University of Nigeria, Nsukka in Enugu State.
Uchemba began his career in the early 2000s as a child actor and came into the limelight in 2001 after appearing in the Nollywood blockbuster movie, “The Journey of the Dead” along with Olu Jacobs, Ramsey Noah, and Pete Edochie.
Since then, the multi-talented actor never looked back as he has gone ahead to feature in more blockbuster movies like Sugar Rush (2019), Merry Men 2(2019) and Story Story: The African Rideshare (2018). He is the recipient of several awards.
The actor adopted an 18-year-old furniture maker in June and he promised to sponsor his education. He recently got married to his longtime girlfriend, Brunella Oscar at her hometown, Alor in Anambra state. The actor’s wife, Brunella opened up on their love story with Wedding Digest Naija and she disclosed that she made the first move. According to the English trained medical doctor, they both met on Facebook after she sent him a message.
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