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Joan Rivers funeral wishes – Valentino, Beyonce’s hair, Meryl Streep crying

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Above is Joan River’s funeral requests written in her 2012 book, I Hate Everyone…Starting With Me. Meanwhile it’s been revealed that her funeral will take place on Sunday September 7th at the Temple Emanu-El in New York. See some more memorable quotes from the book after the cut…

  
On what she wants for her own funeral
“When I die, I want my funeral to be a huge showbiz affair with lights, cameras, action…I want Craft services, I want paparazzi and I want publicists making a scene! I want it to be Hollywood all the way. I don’t want some rabbi rambling on;

I want Meryl Streep crying, in five different accents. I don’t want a eulogy; I want Bobby Vinton to pick up my head and sing “Mr. Lonely.” I want to look gorgeous, better dead than I do alive. I want to be buried in a Valentino gown and I want Harry Winston to make me a toe tag. And I want a wind machine so that even in the casket my hair is blowing just like Beyoncé’s.” 

On obituaries

“I love the obituaries. To me, obituaries are just wedding announcements without the pictures. I read the obituaries carefully, the way Lindsay Lohan reads her Miranda rights.”

On people who die of natural causes

“I hate people who die of natural causes; they just don’t understand the moment. It’s the grand finale, act three, the eleven o’clock number — make it count. If you’re going to die, die interesting! Is there anything worse than a boring death? I think not. When my time comes I’m going to go out in highs type. I have no intention of being sick or lingering or dragging on and on and boring everyone I know. I have no intention of coughing and wheezing for months on end. One morning you’ll wake up and read a headline: Joan Rivers Found Dead…On George Clooney’s Face. Clooney Was So Bereft All He Could Say Was, ‘Xjfhfyrnem.'”

On funerals

“I love funerals! To me a funeral is just a red carpet show for dead people. It’s a chance for mourners from all walks of life to accessorize basic black, and to make a fashion statement that is bold enough to draw attention away from the bereaved but subtle enough so that no one knows that it’s happening. And, it’s a great way to have quiet fun.”

On people who offer condolences

“I hate people who try to make you feel better. Like the neighbor who says, ‘Don’t forget, the first part of ‘funeral’ is ‘fun!’ Or the minister who says, ‘He’s in a better place now.’ I’m tempted to yell out, ‘No he’s not. He had a house in the Hamptons. What’s wrong with you?””

On the pick-up scene at funerals

“As I get older, I’m going to a lot more funerals, and let me tell you something, it’s a great pick-up scene. A graveside funeral is live eHarmony for the bereaved.”

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Buhari Will Come Up With Solutions In Few Hours -Major General Babagana Monguno

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Buhari Will Come Up With Solutions In Few Hours -Major General Babagana Monguno

It has been reported that the National Security, Major General Babagana Monguno (retd), on Thursday said the President Muhammadu Buhari, would come up with solutions to the ongoing violence erupting in parts of the country ”in the next few hours”.

Babagana Monguno Says Buhari Is Coming Up With Solutions

According to Punch, May Babagana did not disclose the solutions, he said they would communicate to parties concerned.

Mongunu revealed this in an interview with State House correspondents at the end of a meeting of the National Security presided over the President.

The NSA also did not disclose whether the President will announce the solutions through a national broadcast.

He said,

“The President himself, I have just left his office, is also going to deal with these issues in a specific manner apart from what has just taken place in council.

I believe in the next couple of hours, Mr President will come up with certain solutions that will be agreeable to the entire federation.”

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“Please If Anything Happens To Me, It Wasn’t Ordinary” – Ex BBN Ifu Ennada

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“Please If Anything Happens To Me, It Wasn’t Ordinary” – Ex BBN Ifu Ennada

Nigerian reality TV star and actress, Ifu Ennada has disclosed that she is being threatened over her involvement with the ongoing #endsars protests.

The former BBNAIJA housemate told her fans that if anything bad happens to her, they should be aware that it isn’t ordinary, because she’s getting threat messages from anonymous people.

She wrote;

“They are threatening me! Guys the people where I live are getting calls that I should stop posting about these things.

Please if anything happens to me, just know that it wasn’t ordinary. I’m not posting things that aren’t happening or things that others are not already posting”.

She further mentioned that her location is currently off, and she isn’t home, so no one can trace where she is.

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Hoodlums attack Nnewi police station, release motocycles impounded by police

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Hoodlums attack Nnewi police station, release motocycles impounded by police

Trending online is the news of Some hoodlums who have attacked the Nnewi police station before releasing motocycles impounded by the police.

The station was also set on fire.

A video of the hoodlums celebrating after releasing the motorcyles has circulated on social media.

Watch video below:

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