One of the most important qualities that men look for in women is support, or what we would affectionately call “having our back.” We ask her to pick us up when we are down, to be our friend and our confidant, to be strong where we are weak. Sometimes as men, though, I believe we forget that we can leave our women empty in the support department. While they are busy being everything to everyone, sometimes they are left thinking “what about me?” Support comes in different forms and means different things to different people, but here are a few ways that we can support our women better.
1. Be Proactive…Not Reactive
One of the reasons that you may find your woman being passive aggressive is because she is feeling overwhelmed, but not telling you. Although she could communicate these things to you, one way to make sure that you are supporting her is by just asking her “what more can I do to help?” It’s a simple question, but has a huge impact. It lets her know that you are not only open and willing to help her, but that you are also eager to help. And sometimes that makes all of the difference. Women love men that take initiative. And more than likely, they return those same favors for you. So instead of just thinking “well she didn’t ask,” take it upon yourself and ask her. (I’m sure she will find something for you to do!)
2. There Is More Than One Way to Contribute
I find that one of the biggest frustrations of women is when they feel like they have to wear all of the hats in the household. Sometimes as men, we feel that as long as we go to work then we have fulfilled our husband duties…well, not quite. This may have been so when wives only had to tend to their house and children, but that was an age of old. Now that many wives are working outside of the home as well, we must open our minds up as men to be more willing to contribute to the relationship than just our paychecks. This is important because sometimes we may lose our ability to contribute financially, but we still need to be able to contribute to the household! This may be through taking on more household duties and parenting duties, providing more emotional support, and in other ways. Most of our wives will support us through almost anything if we can show that we can support them with more than our earning potential.
3. Make Her Feel Heard
Sometimes supporting your wife comes in the form of you actively listening to her. Many times, as a wife, she feels like she is the only one who is not being heard. She feels her needs are irrelevant and that her desires have become obsolete. This means that sometimes when she wants to talk she just needs you to sit there and listen to her. That’s it…just listen! Listen to her talk about her dreams, her ambitions, her frustrations, and her fears.
4. Give Her Time for Herself
The role of a wife and mother never ends, but sometimes she needs for it to end for a day, a few hours, or even a weekend. Sometimes she gets so lost in her role that she loses herself and that breeds feelings of resentment. A big part of supporting her is giving her time to rest, recover, and find herself again. How can you do that? Send her away with her friends or by herself every once in a while. Take care of the morning rituals and the kids and allow her to sleep in sometimes. Encourage her to revisit that old hobby she used to love, or that one business sue thought about starting. The more she feels like she still has some identity and time beyond just being wife and mother, the better wife and mother she will be.
5. Support and Encourage Each Other
Support can come in many different forms and we all need it in our marriages. For women it comes a little more naturally to give support, but as men we may have to be a little more conscious of how we can better support our women. A mate that feels supported and secure will naturally become a better mate and parent, and person. Support and encourage each other!