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Winning Her Back After You Were a Jerk

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Not interested girl

It’s been a few months since you totally wrecked the train your relationship was traveling on. The damage was awful, and even though you’re not still stumbling around in a daze, you are still in recovery mode.

Is it possible to pick up the pieces of a relationship after it’s been utterly destroyed?

Maybe so. Check out the note below from Eric, and see what you think…

Hi Claire, its been 4 months since my girlfriend told me to leave her alone after a huge fight and I still think about her everyday. I was drinking a lot behind her back due to stress of my dad dying of cancer during our relationship and it caused me to treat her terribly (no abuse) but just no love or compassion. So she finally had enough and left me.

I quit drinking and have really turned my life around in the last 4 months and am a totally different man with a huge heart and lots of love. So my ex never got to see the man who I really am and that is why its so hard for me to let go because in my mind I so desperately want to email her and tell her how much I’ve changed and how that was just a really bad time in my life and its now the person I really am.

What should I do? I’m really heartbroken. ~ Thanks, Eric

Hi, Eric. I’m very sorry to hear about your father. That’s a terrible thing to experience, and I imagine in a lot of ways you’re still going through it. Four months isn’t a very long time in comparison to a lifetime with a parent around. You don’t really expect to have to say your “forever” goodbye to your parents until they (and you) are old and gray.

I hope you have friends and family members you can count on for the kind of support you need as you figure out what the world looks like after your father’s death.

Hang in there, and be good to yourself. It sounds like you’ve already started that process by kicking the secret drinking habit out of your life. Good for you.

And about your ex-girlfriend…

I’m sort of wincing as I write this; what I have to say may sting, and I’m deeply aware that you have only recently been through six kinds of hell. But I will tell you the truth, and try to put it in a way you might be able to hear.

What you’re (not) saying

When I hear you talk about this, I hear you say over and over again (and I edited out several of the times where you repeated it) something that raises a small red flag: You want your ex back so that she can see “who you really are.”

I mean, thought you were going to talk about her, and how she was the most amazing and wonderful woman you’ve ever met, how she inspires and arouses and engages you, and so on.

thought you might talk about the two of you together, how you have so much in common and seem like the perfect match.

I kept waiting to hear another reason why you wanted her back, but it seems like you only have one reason: you need to prove to her that you’re a good guy.

Is that really a reason to have a deep, committed relationship? To prove to yourself – and maybe to her – that you’re a good guy?

Here’s what I think you should do…

It does NOT exclude the possibility of winning back your lady, but it does put the emphasis in a few other, more important places first.

1. Make sure you have continuing recovery help.

Not just with your grieving process, but also with the alcohol problem. Four months is not the “end” of either process; both the death of your father and your recovery from drinking will take a fair amount of time to process.

2. Wrench your attention away from “proving” something.

Instead, just be who you are. Stop trying to prove…

a) you’re a good person, or
b) you don’t have a drinking problem to anyone; let other people see who you are and draw their own conclusions.

3. Start dating again.

I know, you desperately want your ex back. But maybe you’re fixated on her for the wrong reasons. Try starting a few new relationships for the right reasons, and see how those go for you.

There are several advantages to dating other women right now:

  • It will take your mind off your ex for a while.
  • It will let you practice being the “new man” you want to be.
  • It may turn up an incredible partner for your life.

4. Apologize like this.

Once your plan is well underway, you should tell your ex you’re sorry. And I mean the FULL plan, not just thinking about finding a recovery group but never actually going; not just jacking around on Match.com and calling that “dating.” Run the plan, THEN apologize like this:

Apology Part 1: You were right

Send her a brief (really short, and I mean it!) email in which you sincerely tell her that she was right, and you behaved horribly toward her. Elaborate on the “how she was right” part for a couple of lines.

Apology Part 2: I screwed up

Then acknowledge your grave mistakes in the situation. That would be how you handled things – by drinking behind her back, and otherwise not being loving or compassionate. She deserved much more than what you gave her.

Apology Part 3: I’m sorry and I lost out

Third, tell her you are deeply sorry, and that you realize what you’re missing out on by having pushed her away. Name some of those things you’re missing out on.

Apology Part 4: I want to listen

Finally, let her know that you have made some big changes in your life, and that someday you would love to simply go for a walk together and listen to how her life is going for her.

Notice that last part! It’s NOT “Let me waste hours of your time explaining, rationalizing, justifying, etc. my own actions or PROVING to you how I’m not that awful guy.”

If you do that, you are doomed. Stay the course, and you might just have a shot with her.

Follow your email with a text message a week or so later that says “Hey beautiful. Wanna take that walk?” Or something similar. Keep it a simple invitation, see what she says.

Your turn!

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Health and Food

Avoid These Nigerians Food To Burn Stubborn Belly Fat (Video)

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Being overweight or obese can be detrimental to your health. It is not advisable to have excess fat in the abdominal cavity because it can lead to some health issues. Getting your dream body will not be easy and you need to make some sacrifices to your diet. You will also need to turn a blind eye to some fatty foods.

If you’re ready to get rid of the belly fat, then stay put as Information Nigeria brings you some important tips that will help.

1. Avoid sugar and carbonated drinks

Did you know that consuming sugary substances like coke, fanta can lead to weight gain and a number of health problems like high blood pressure?. This is due to the high fructose content found in added sugars. Taking sugar-filled drinks may slow your metabolism and this in turn can make it harder for your body to burn fat. Fructose can only be metabolized by your liver. When you consume too much, you push your liver to its limit and it becomes overloaded, then it turns the fructose into fat and it ends up getting stored in your belly. To avoid putting yourself from risk, you should cut back on foods and drinks that contain huge amounts of sugar.

 

2. You also have to forgo junk foods like meat pie, cakes, rolls, candies, burgers, ice cream and cookies. You also need to do away with heavy foods like eba, akpu, pounded yam, rice among others. Switch up your eating habits and opt for a more balanced-diet if you want to burn your belly fat. Avoid consuming refined carbs like bread, pizza, potation chips etc. You should also stay away from processed and heavy foods because they contribute to stubborn belly fat. You should choose to eat proteinous foods like fish, eggs, and milk. starch contains fat, sugar and salt. They help a person feel fuller so you don’t end up looking for something to munch on after eating. It basically keeps hunger at bay.

3. Eat the right amount of fruits, vegetables, fibrous foods and whole grains – You can add vegetables, fruits and whole grains to your weight loss diet. They provide essential vitamins, minerals, fiber and other substances that are good for your body. Examples of fibre rich foods include; beans, broccoli, avocados, apples, oatmeal brown rice and whole grain bread.

4. Try to incorporate exercise into your daily or weekly routine – Exercise helps to speed up your metabolism and helps you shed weight. The bitter truth is that wearing just waist trainers and staying put in one position will not make you lose that stubborn belly fat. You should hit the gym.

5 Reduce alcohol intake – Excess intake of alcohol also leads to a host of health problems especially the build-up of fat in the belly area. Have you ever noticed that those who drink alcohol, especially men, often develop ‘pot-bellies’. Alcoholic drinks like beer provide your body with calories and very little nutrients. It can also increase your appetite. Replace the alcoholic drinks with water or alternate with low calorie, non-alcoholic beverages. Too much alcohol can cause liver damage and other serious health problems.

6. Try out apple cider vinegar – Apple cider vinegar is made in a two-step fermentation process. It is obtained from apples that have been crushed, distilled and fermented. Acetic acid is the main active component of apple cider vinegar. It is safe for consumption in small quantities and can be taken as a supplement. Do not also consume it straight from the bottle or in its pure form. Add 1 to 2 tablespoons to water before you drink. You can also add honey or lemon. It is best to drink it before your meals. Research shows it has many health benefits, such as lowering blood sugar levels.

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Entertainment

Williams Uchemba And His Wife Exchange Wedding Vows In Lagos (Video)

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Williams Uchemba and his wife, Brunella Oscar

Williams Uchemba and his wife, Brunella Oscar

Popular Nigerian actor, Williams Uchemba and his wife, Brunella Oscar have officially solemnized their union.

The couple finally exchanged their wedding vows at Dominion city church in Lagos state.

The beautiful wedding ceremony was reportedly officiated by the founder of the church, Dr. David Chukwudi Ogbueli alias Papa Eagle.

Celebrities, fans and well-wishers poured in congratulatory message for the couple after photos and videos from the ceremony hit the internet.

The actor wore a sleek tuxedo, while his bride,  wore a lovely white gown.

Read Also:Actor Williams Uchemba Set To Walk Down The Aisle With Mystery Woman

Watch the videos below:

https://twitter.com/gregorogholi/status/1330121905387540483?s=21

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Entertainment

Actor, Model, Comedian, Philanthropist… Meet The Latest Groom, Williams Uchemba

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Williams Uchemba

Williams Uchemba

Williams Uchemba, who was born on October 22, is an actor, motivational speaker, model, comedian, entrepreneur and philanthropist. The Abia-born thespian graduated with a Bachelor’s Degree in International Relation from the University of Nigeria, Nsukka in Enugu State.

Uchemba began his career in the early 2000s as a child actor and came into the limelight in 2001 after appearing in the Nollywood blockbuster movie, “The Journey of the Dead” along with Olu Jacobs, Ramsey Noah, and Pete Edochie.

Since then, the multi-talented actor never looked back as he has gone ahead to feature in more blockbuster movies like Sugar Rush (2019), Merry Men 2(2019) and Story Story: The African Rideshare (2018). He is the recipient of several awards.

The actor adopted an 18-year-old furniture maker in June and he promised to sponsor his education. He recently got married to his longtime girlfriend, Brunella Oscar at her hometown, Alor in Anambra state. The actor’s wife, Brunella opened up on their love story with Wedding Digest Naija and she disclosed that she made the first move. According to the English trained medical doctor, they both met on Facebook after she sent him a message.

 

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