Just Found Out My Boyfriend Is Actually Married [Advice Needed]

Hi! My name is Nkem, I’m 38.

I’ve separated from my ex-husband ten years ago after a four-year struggle he used to call “marriage”. I’ve been dating my current boyfirend for alsmost three years. We live in my house and share our finances.

First of all, it doesn’t look like marriage is ever going to happen. We’ve talked about getting married, but I get the distinct impression it’s not something he really wants.

Secondly, I’m shocked about my recent discovery. You see, I don’t have children, but he has three from his two previous relationships – according to him, they were born out of wedlock. He has always implied he was never married to neither of his kids’ mothers. I believed him, never even got the idea of asking him to show his records or something. That’s why I was petrified when I went through his e-mails and learnt he has been talking to his youngest son’s mother about getting a divorce from her. They’ve even settled on a date to go and see their respective lawyers.

I’m yet to muster the courage to talk to him about all of this… He has been married the entire time we were together, although I know there are no feelings between him and his “wife”. He was never a responsible father, not knowing his three children well. I fear this might be the last conversation we would have. But still, I’m afraid to lose him and be lonely for the rest of my life. What do I do?


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