In the best of circumstances, a parent will meet their child’s needs for nurturing, protection and emotional attunement in order to securely bond with them. When there is a failure to complete this process of secure bonding, codependency results.
Characteristics of Codependency
If you examine the characteristics of people with codependent behaviors, you will find behavior patterns more typical of children than of fully functioning adults. The reason is because they are still attempting to fill in the deficits that resulted from their early insecure attachments.
Below are some of the common characteristics of codependency:
- You don’t trust yourself and your own decisions.
- You let your partner hurt you without trying to protect yourself.
- You do things to please your partner even when you do not want to.
- You rely on your partner to define and take care of you.
- You live your life as if you are a victim of circumstances.
- You fear expressing your feelings for fear your partner will reject you.
- You seek the approval and attention of your partner in order to feel good.
- You whine or pout when you don’t get what you want.
If you can identify with more than half of the items above, you likely have codependency issues to resolve.
Codependency in a relationship occurs when two people, both seeking from the other what they are lacking from their early childhood, come together to form a complete person. Each feels he or she cannot function well without the help of the other. Eventually, one of the partners tires of the dysfunctional attachment and will seek to change the status quo. Lacking the proper tools to break the pattern, they will be unable to successfully create change.
Let’s look at the following codependent interaction between Daphne and Dave, in which Dave depends on Daphne as a kind of mirror to define him and tell him who he is:
Dave: I lost another client today and I am terrified I will be let go. What should I do?
Daphne: Oh no, you can’t do this to us Dave. I have already told you I cannot have a relationship with a weakling.
Dave: I need you to be strong for me or I will get more anxious, which will really mess me up.
Daphne: Okay. Okay. Let’s talk about the situation and just like I always do, I will come up with a plan.
In the above example, we see how Dave’s immediate response to his fear was to depend on Daphne, not himself, to come up with the answers to his dilemma. Indeed, his dependency on Daphne makes us wonder how he is able to function independently in his work environment. His ability to trust his own capacity to survive his work concerns is fragile at best.
Daphne’s initial reaction was self-serving (“How can you do this to us?”) and showed no recognition that Dave was the one with the problem and needed help. Ultimately, she assumed the familiar role of rescuing Dave, further reinforcing his dependency on her.
Are they enmeshed in a codependent arrangement? You bet. Dave’s dependence on Daphne likely makes him feel that not having instant access to her would be tantamount to losing himself. While appearing to be the stronger of the two, Daphne’s need to take care of him like a child reflects her codependent need to micromanage Dave, rather than encourage his independent thinking.
Breaking The Cycle of Codependency
Believing that their partner is more competent than they are, people with codependency issues tend to pass on the responsibility for their healing to their partner. Turning attention toward one’s self and recognizing patterns of codependent behavior are the first steps toward making changes.
This means developing personal boundaries, which includes learning about one’s thoughts, feeling and behaviors. Breaking the cycle of codependency must take place before successful, mutual, and cooperative interdependency can occur.
Avoid These Nigerians Food To Burn Stubborn Belly Fat (Video)
Being overweight or obese can be detrimental to your health. It is not advisable to have excess fat in the abdominal cavity because it can lead to some health issues. Getting your dream body will not be easy and you need to make some sacrifices to your diet. You will also need to turn a blind eye to some fatty foods.
If you’re ready to get rid of the belly fat, then stay put as Information Nigeria brings you some important tips that will help.
1. Avoid sugar and carbonated drinks
Did you know that consuming sugary substances like coke, fanta can lead to weight gain and a number of health problems like high blood pressure?. This is due to the high fructose content found in added sugars. Taking sugar-filled drinks may slow your metabolism and this in turn can make it harder for your body to burn fat. Fructose can only be metabolized by your liver. When you consume too much, you push your liver to its limit and it becomes overloaded, then it turns the fructose into fat and it ends up getting stored in your belly. To avoid putting yourself from risk, you should cut back on foods and drinks that contain huge amounts of sugar.
2. You also have to forgo junk foods like meat pie, cakes, rolls, candies, burgers, ice cream and cookies. You also need to do away with heavy foods like eba, akpu, pounded yam, rice among others. Switch up your eating habits and opt for a more balanced-diet if you want to burn your belly fat. Avoid consuming refined carbs like bread, pizza, potation chips etc. You should also stay away from processed and heavy foods because they contribute to stubborn belly fat. You should choose to eat proteinous foods like fish, eggs, and milk. starch contains fat, sugar and salt. They help a person feel fuller so you don’t end up looking for something to munch on after eating. It basically keeps hunger at bay.
3. Eat the right amount of fruits, vegetables, fibrous foods and whole grains – You can add vegetables, fruits and whole grains to your weight loss diet. They provide essential vitamins, minerals, fiber and other substances that are good for your body. Examples of fibre rich foods include; beans, broccoli, avocados, apples, oatmeal brown rice and whole grain bread.
4. Try to incorporate exercise into your daily or weekly routine – Exercise helps to speed up your metabolism and helps you shed weight. The bitter truth is that wearing just waist trainers and staying put in one position will not make you lose that stubborn belly fat. You should hit the gym.
5 Reduce alcohol intake – Excess intake of alcohol also leads to a host of health problems especially the build-up of fat in the belly area. Have you ever noticed that those who drink alcohol, especially men, often develop ‘pot-bellies’. Alcoholic drinks like beer provide your body with calories and very little nutrients. It can also increase your appetite. Replace the alcoholic drinks with water or alternate with low calorie, non-alcoholic beverages. Too much alcohol can cause liver damage and other serious health problems.
6. Try out apple cider vinegar – Apple cider vinegar is made in a two-step fermentation process. It is obtained from apples that have been crushed, distilled and fermented. Acetic acid is the main active component of apple cider vinegar. It is safe for consumption in small quantities and can be taken as a supplement. Do not also consume it straight from the bottle or in its pure form. Add 1 to 2 tablespoons to water before you drink. You can also add honey or lemon. It is best to drink it before your meals. Research shows it has many health benefits, such as lowering blood sugar levels.
Williams Uchemba And His Wife Exchange Wedding Vows In Lagos (Video)
Popular Nigerian actor, Williams Uchemba and his wife, Brunella Oscar have officially solemnized their union.
The couple finally exchanged their wedding vows at Dominion city church in Lagos state.
The beautiful wedding ceremony was reportedly officiated by the founder of the church, Dr. David Chukwudi Ogbueli alias Papa Eagle.
Celebrities, fans and well-wishers poured in congratulatory message for the couple after photos and videos from the ceremony hit the internet.
The actor wore a sleek tuxedo, while his bride, wore a lovely white gown.
Watch the videos below:
— Ngozi Clara (@ngoziclara) November 21, 2020
Actor, Model, Comedian, Philanthropist… Meet The Latest Groom, Williams Uchemba
Williams Uchemba, who was born on October 22, is an actor, motivational speaker, model, comedian, entrepreneur and philanthropist. The Abia-born thespian graduated with a Bachelor’s Degree in International Relation from the University of Nigeria, Nsukka in Enugu State.
Uchemba began his career in the early 2000s as a child actor and came into the limelight in 2001 after appearing in the Nollywood blockbuster movie, “The Journey of the Dead” along with Olu Jacobs, Ramsey Noah, and Pete Edochie.
Since then, the multi-talented actor never looked back as he has gone ahead to feature in more blockbuster movies like Sugar Rush (2019), Merry Men 2(2019) and Story Story: The African Rideshare (2018). He is the recipient of several awards.
The actor adopted an 18-year-old furniture maker in June and he promised to sponsor his education. He recently got married to his longtime girlfriend, Brunella Oscar at her hometown, Alor in Anambra state. The actor’s wife, Brunella opened up on their love story with Wedding Digest Naija and she disclosed that she made the first move. According to the English trained medical doctor, they both met on Facebook after she sent him a message.
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