Despicable rhetoric and the phony arrest of outlawed leader of Niger Delta People’s Volunteer Force (NDPVF) Mujahid Asari Dokubo made headlines this past two weeks. But one would have to be a retarded monkey to take his endless histrionics polemics and diatribes serious.
Why are Nigerians subjected to watching the outburst of a lunatic who is balder, fatter, and dull-witted on regular basis? Why does Nigerian public accommodate the eccentricity of a drop out? How long do we have to put up with his abuse and threats every time? When the big, fat, idiot liar is not distorting the truth, he’s encouraging ethnic insurgencies and scheming sectarian wars. Do we have to listen to a backward thinking, ill informed, restless and senseless thug with no culture and moral values?
Can we just be spared of the insanity from watching nauseating repeated episodes from Dokubo’s theater of the absurd? In November last year, he was arrested in the Benin Republic. As expected, Mr. Jonathan intervened and promptly secured his release after spending only 36 hours in the Benin jail and swiftly dispatched a jet from the presidential fleet to bring the coconut head and shrimp face Dokubo to Abuja.
Nigerians are no strangers to Dokubo’s one-man Jihad. Samples from his nonsensical gibberish:
January 2012: In the wake of the “Occupy Nigeria” protest against the federal government’s hike in fuel prices, Mr. Jonathan turned to Dokubo to coordinate intimidation of PENGASSAN labor union activists for the nation-wide strike. Dokubo didn’t blink for a second: “Oil platforms will be occupied by Niger Delta militants if PENGASSAN decides to shut down production in solidarity with the ongoing labor strike,” Dokubo threatens the labor leaders. “If the Niger Delta people are not good enough to be part of good governance in Nigeria,” says angry Dokubo, “then our oil and gas of the Niger Delta people is not good enough for Nigeria.”
May 2013: The renegade Dokubo threatened that if he was arrested Nigeria would become history. “I’m not afraid of arrest,” the boastful Dokubo declares, “I am saying it bold and clear without mincing words, that the consequences of my arrest, Nigeria will become history.”
January 2014: He called President Olusegun Obasanjo the “Chief Assassin of all times” in response to the former president’s letter to Mr. Jonathan. “I wonder why you, the Chief Assassin of all times, would accuse President Goodluck of training 1000 snipers and having a watchlist of political opponents … Finally, your evil plot to put me away before 2015 general election failed in the Republic of Benin,” says Dokubo.
And now this: “APC must field a South-South Candidate or we will make Nigerian ungovernable,” Dokubo insists. “It will make sense if APC picks its presidential candidate from the South-South. With that, there will be no battle or us to fight and it will make it easier for us. Whichever way it goes, it will enable us to continue our right of uninterrupted rule of eight years, which is the minimum constitutional requirement.”
Dokubo also vows that the defeat of Jonathan in a free and fair election would trigger crisis. “Jonathan cannot be defeated, they cannot defeat him, they don’t have the right, every part of the country must have equal stake in the presidency of the country.”
The uninformed and unintelligent Dokubo enjoys spewing ethnic hatred and division in defense of President Goodluck Jonathan. Dokubo’s war drums is reminiscent of the run-up to US attack on Iraq with the now famous “shock and awe” combined with pre-war propaganda. “If it is war the North wants, we are ready for them because Jonathan must complete the mandatory constitutionally allowable two terms of eight years. At home, we have regrouped and we have put our people at alert. In less than one hour, the way we would strike, the world will be shocked. If anybody does anything against Jonathans, we will retaliate. What we will do will shock the whole world. We will cripple the economy of the country not only in the creeks, but also on the nation’s territorial water, no vessel will be allowed to enter Nigeria’s territorial waters,” Dokubo threatens.
Saying “We will cripple the economy of the country …” Well, Dokubo what do you think you have been doing all this time? You have crippled the economy! For your relentless harassment of Nigerians look at how much you and your cousins are being paid every year: Dokubo $9million, Afeke Toms and Boyloaf $3.5million each, and Tompolo $22.5million. The economy is wrapped in tatters and rags – can’t you see?
No doubt, the intention of Dokubo’s propaganda was to obtain a specified psychological effect – to terrify Nigerians into the conviction that resistance to Mujahid’s rebellion would be futile, and that Nigerians would capitulate at the first strike, if not before.
Only in Nigeria can the type of Dokubo – an anachronistic belligerent with shrilled tone that’s so mean spirited – with such a limited understanding of people, ideas, politics, and civilized engagement, attract so much publicity and huge following by his loyal Ijaw people. In the society of civilized human beings, by now Dokubo would be history in the cellar! But given the prosaic political leadership in the country, it is not surprising that we will always have a spokesperson like Dokubo for the fools.
From his unguarded outbursts, Dokubo is the enormously talented pimp providing sound bites to idiots. He is the political aphrodisiac that jazz up his company of fools and other pathetic self-deceivers. In my judgment, Dokubo is in a category of pickpockets and braggarts. He’s a con man who is skillful and manipulative.
If Dokubo believed all he says, then he is an idiot because the way he conducts and manages his unenviable life full of miseries and misfortunes do not reflect a man with sound mind and sound judgment. Does he know when is lying or does it come so naturally to him that he doesn’t notice? Is it possible for us to hook Dokubo up to one of the lie detectors and other brain scan gadgets and watch whatever riot that might be taken place in his brain?
He sees conspiracies in anything critical of Mr. Jonathan. He spreads visceral hate and fear-mongering. He spews hate like a belch of smoke from Olumo Rock. Like the devious oil salesman that he is, Dokubo is very calculating. He deliberately uses and misleads his “dittoheads.” The irreverent and tongue-lashing Dokubo pays hilarious homage to foolishness and stupidity. Awful and always with absurd claims, forged and fraudulent ideas, he’s a prime mover behind the presidency that skews a whole new crop of crisis manufacturers. A moron and a scum of the earth, he intentionally spread hateful views and disinformation that prevent meaningful debates.
Dokubo believes Ijaw people owns Nigeria because of the accidental location of oil wells in their backyard. Since Mr. Jonathan assumed the presidency no worthwhile transformation has taken place in Ijaw land with the so called oil money of the Ijaw people. Their environment remains as degraded as ever. Millions of jobless Ijaw youth are no different from their unemployed peers from around the country. The infrastructures are as ancient as the Delta. The farmers are as displaced as the fishes due to oil pollution. But for the few mercenaries like Dokubo, majority of the Ijaw people have been pulverized by poverty and disease. So, of what use is Dokubo’s threats of brim, stone and fire on behalf of the Ijaws if his god father Jonathan was not reelected? Dokubo has done nothing for his people aside from giving us all laughs at how stupid he is.
Dokubo is like Sanballat the great distracter in the Bible. Dokubo is a kind of pest that plagues our country today. He is a distracter who torments and do everything possible to interfere in the affairs of Nigeria. Like Sanballat, Dokubo knows that the renaissance of Nigeria under a cultured, emotionally stable, astute, visionary, and erudite leader would bring a major shift in political power and fortunes of Nigeria. Like Sanballat, Dokubo like the status quo and has a vested interest in Nigeria remaining a disrepair and underdeveloped nation so he set about his distracting agenda.
He first tried to drag Nigeria into a war of his choice with his ragtag NDPVF. It didn’t work. He started mocking and ridiculing critics and others who disagreed with the way Mr. Jonathan is running the country. That didn’t go far. This evil and resourceful leader of the proscribed NDPVF continually adjusts his strategies. Now his new tactics are embedded in fear, entrapment, and political maneuvering.
It seems easier to run from a challenge than to step out and take a risk. Dokubo is a textbook example of a person who expends time and energy only for personal gain. Lazy and unmotivated, he fears the risk of being rejected, and doesn’t really know who he is.
Dokubo sensed that 2015 will change the political equation and destiny of Nigeria. Fully aware that problems and projects go together, that once the tide turns and his kinsman is thrown out of office and a new Nigeria is born, he reasoned that the quickest way to stop the democratic revolution in 2015 is to create fear in the minds of Nigerian voters.
Progressives and well-meaning Nigerians can learn valuable lessons from Dokubo’s assaults, threats, and schemes: expect distracters, don’t give them the time of day, starve them with propaganda and publicity, and keep the pressure on and don’t look back.
Millions of Dokubos cannot stop the urgency of now and the whirlwind of change that are lurking in the wings. The new militancy toward 2015 has begun. We cannot wait and we cannot be patient to see the fulfillment of long delayed and denied promise of democracy. One good thing though from Dokubo’s sheer sentimental rubbish is that it helps to restore our faith, polish our hope, and renew our activism for a better Nigeria.
Who Will Explain Coronavirus To Buhari?
Coronavirus (COVID-19), an exorable doom, threatens life on the planet. It is exorable because it is conquerable. This explains why world leaders are taking the charge to combat this ominous apocalypse. It is a time for leadership from the fore-end; a time when citizens must hear their leaders speak to them; see them take action, making assurances and fulfilling those promises. The counsel, consolation and firm statement of a leader is imperative at this moment.
In Canada, Justin Trudeau, prime minister, despite being in self-isolation and his wife battling the virus after contracting it at a conference in the UK, is leading the fight against this dreaded disease from the fore. He is providing regular updates of the efforts of his government to roll back this scourge, listening and speaking to citizens.
In a popular broadcast on March 13, Justin spoke to citizens of Canada announcing measures to relieve the financial stress brought on by the pandemic on Canadians.
“We do not want any Canadian to have to worry about whether or not they’re going to be able to pay their rent, whether or not they’re going to be able to buy groceries, or care for their kids or elderly family members. We need to make sure that Canadians have the options and the ability to follow the best public health advice and keep themselves safe,” he said.
In the UK, Boris Johnson, prime minister, leads the struggle against coronavirus. He provides updates, alongside health experts, on the measures his government is taking to tackle the spread of the disease. And in the US, Donald Trump is not shying away from speaking to Americans on the virus.
As a matter of fact, President Muhammadu Buhari’s lapses are often easily dismissed by his supporters or by Nigerians who do not know better. Some of them say, ‘’ Why must the president speak when the minister of health and the NCDC DG are already doing that?” This is a contemptible rationalisation of incompetence. Are they suggesting the president lacks the capacitance to understand the issues?’’
Really, I surmise the president has been walled off the ‘’candid cameras’’ over the years by his handlers – not just now – because he lacks the intellectual propensity to understand and discuss incisive issues. The last presidential media chat he held was in 2015 and it was a woeful outing. Also, his non-choreographed media interviews have been abysmal to say the least.
The truth is the unfiltered Buhari is a vacuously gaffing one. On October 14, 2016, standing beside Angela Merkel, German chancellor, Buhari said his wife, Aisha, ‘’belonged in the kitchen and the other room’’, when he was asked to comment on the first lady’s criticism of his government.
On April 18, 2018, at the Commonwealth Business Forum in London, the president said the young citizens of the country he leads are lazy.
“More than 60 per cent of the population is below 30, a lot of them haven’t been to school and they are claiming that Nigeria is an oil producing country, therefore, they should sit and do nothing, and get housing, healthcare, education free,” he said during a panel appearance with world leaders at the forum.
In a February 2016 interview with UK Telegraph, Buhari dropped another clanger. He said the young citizens of his country have a knack for criminality and should not be granted asylum in the UK.
With the Buhari experience, it is indubitable that Nigerians must place a high premium on education — not just certificate – in choosing their leaders. The cost of electing leaders who do not have the intellectual grit to understand and handle matters is far too high.
The senate has asked the president to speak to citizens on this threat, and Nigerians are also asking the president to speak to them. This is an abnormality. Citizens must not beg to hear from their president. But because it is Buhari involved here, we have to beg and even excuse the crass inefficiency and vacuity.
Perhaps, the president is still trying to get a hang of it. I think he has ‘’capable handlers’’ who can break it down to him in ABC.
Mr President, speak to your citizens. The words of a leader are more resounding and assuring than the blandishment of proxies.
PS: Let’s follow all health protocol as advised by the NCDC.
• Wash your hands regularly with soap under running water.
• Cover your mouth and nose properly with handkerchief or tissue paper when sneezing and/or coughing. You may also cough into your elbow if a handkerchief is not available.
• Avoid close contact with anyone showing symptoms of respiratory illness such as coughing and sneezing.
• Avoid self-medication, report to the nearest health facility when you experience any of the above-mentioned symptoms.
Fredrick Nwabufo is a writer and journalist.
Sanusi: Once Upon An Emir, By Wole Olaoye
We are all potential Ex-es: ex-student, ex-director, ex-lecturer, ex-senator, ex-governor, ex-president, ex-oba, ex-emir…. The inimitable Zik famously reminded us when he had a spat with Ukpabi Asika that Ex was an inevitable prefix for any human being as was evidenced by the fact that a certain young man who would someday become an ex-Administrator, was the son of an ex-postmaster!
So, what’s so apocalyptic about Sanusi Lamido Sanusi joining the ranks of ex-potentates? Nothing? Everything! Don’t ever think that bell you are hearing is tolling for the former Emir of Kano. No. It could be signalling the beginning of a comprehensive demystification of traditional rulership by plebeians holding tenured political power. In centuries past, no plebeian messed with the traditional institution. The halo of nobility, the sheer vastness of a prince’s hereditary powers, rights and privileges, made the subject know his place.
Yesterday’s subjects are today’s political sovereign. They make no pretences to sophistication. They load a gun to kill a spider. When you dethrone a monarch and then deprive him of his liberty, forcefully banishing him to a place without electricity and potable water, you are playing god. If it was all a public relations Olympics, the calm dignity with which Sanusi handled the humiliation made people all over the world admire his chutzpa and hand him the gold medal. A
Life and its many puzzles! Why is it that for some men and women, “their sleep is taken away unless they cause some to fall”? What do you do about an ego that knows no satiation? As the Preacher in the Good Book timelessly says, “All the rivers flow into the sea, yet the sea is never full… The eye is not satisfied with seeing, nor the ear content with hearing… there is nothing new under the sun”.
The Yoruba have a poem that says just that. “The horse struts and frets and then dies. Being a veteran walker is no immunity to getting lost. Nothing new under the sun. I’ve seen kings reduced to slaves; and servants who mounted the throne. Haven’t my eyes beheld both river and sea? Haven’t I seen a hunchback on spindly legs, and a midget climbing a ladder to add condiment to the soup pot? Tell me, has anyone ever started a building from the roof?
The new Emir of Kano, Alhaji Aminu Ado Bayero, is a cousin of his predecessor. As royal intrigues go, when the dust is settled the sword will be sheathed and brother will embrace brother. That is the way of princes. Eventually, outsiders will realise that all they can ever be in palace politics is outsiders. Our very own Nobel prize winning Kongi was not amused by the scandalous extra-judicial detention of the former emir.
He put the emir’s travail down to his progressive stance: “Emir Sanusi was a one-man EFCC sanitisation squad in the banking system, taking on the powerful corrupters of that institution…. “Most important of all, and most pertinently for the nation, Sanusi was one of the early warning voices against religious extremism whose bitter fruits the nation is currently reaping….
The doors of enlightened society remain wide open to Muhammad Sanusi. As for his current crowing Nemesis, a different kind of gates remain yawning to receive him when, as must, the days of governorship immunity finally come to an end.” Support for Sanusi is not limited to radical voices.
Veteran technocrat Alhaji Ahmed Joda penned a panegyric in support of the ex-emir: “The purpose of this letter to you is not to commiserate with you, because I know that you must have known the likely consequences of the principled position you have taken. The reality we must face in Northern Nigeria is that the evil forces of feudalism that have kept us in bondage for so long are still there and fighting. You have been the only voice that has been telling us this truth….”
It is easy to kick a man given a pin-fall by fate, or piss on the grave of a fallen warrior. Dead men don’t bite. Real friends show up when you are in life’s valley. Say what you will, I would rather have a friend like Nasir el Rufai when the chips are down. In the midst of all the turmoil, conspiracy theories have surfaced to the effect that the dethronement is but a political sleight-of-hand to propel Sanusi to Nigeria’s presidency in 2023. Caution! Let’s separate the issues. Political succession is totally different from fundamental human rights. Sanusi is not my next president.
My views on power rotation are well documented. The ex-emir will go down in history as a champion for the rights of the poorest of the poor. He advocated for a new Northern Nigeria where old backward practices such as the almajiri system and irresponsible parenting will be abandoned. His was the voice crying out in the desert, lift my people up from the cesspit of penury. The attempt to demonise him after dethronement through various allegations, including one on religious fundamentalism, is dead on arrival. The same fate will befall the vilification of El Rufai on account of his loyalty to Sanusi. Please quote me: Modern challenges can never be resolved with a resort to medieval solutions.
Christopher Hitchens’ Q&A may someday apply to the ex-Kings College boy who’s now an ex-king.
Sanusi Dethronement: The North Only Beheads The Bearers Of Truth
By Fredrick Nwabufo
Northern Nigeria is prostrate. It is the axis of uglies – banditry, insurgency, kidnapping, diseases, ignorance, and drug abuse. Alas! The region’s elite are aware of the problems, but look away because the disequilibrious status quo sustains them. What is petrifying, however, is that they maul and clobber at anyone who spits the truth in their faces.
I think, this is the mortal sin of Muhammad Sanusi II, emir of Kano – beyond his politics with Abdullahi Ganduje, governor of Kano.
The World Bank says 87 percent of Nigeria’s poor are in the north. And that while poverty is plummeting in the south, it is rocketing in the upper region.
“Poverty in the northern regions of the country has been increasing especially in the north-west zone. Almost half of all poor lived in the north-west and the north accounts for 87 percent of all poor in the country in 2016,’’ the Bretton Woods institution said in its report entitled ‘Advancing social protection in a dynamic Nigeria’ in February 2020.
In August, 2019, the federal government revealed that 1,460 people were killed by bandits in seven months. And that the north-west is the worst-hit by this bloody enterprise. The killings have steadied, expanding in proportion and execution in the region.
In his accustomed manner, Sanusi recently vocalised these depressing figures of retrogression in the north – as regards the World Bank report — earning himself praise from progressive Nigerians and reprimand from the usual suspects — those stuck in the cesspit of bigotry.
Also, the gadfly emir of Kano, whom I regard as the John the Baptist of the north for his vociferous condemnation of this status quo, is alone in his advocacy against irresponsible polygamy, Al-majiri and child marriage – practices the northern elite espouse. He is the face of a progressive north; the northerner of the new age.
As a matter of fact, on different occasions he had complained about the northern elite whom he said wanted to silence him for speaking the truth about the region.
‘’Our colleagues and compatriots among the elite do not like statistics. Numbers are disturbing. I recently gave a speech in which I said the north-east and north-west of Nigeria are the poorest parts of the country. This simple statement of fact has generated so much heat; the noise has yet to die down. The response to this speech has been a barrage of personal attacks and insults aimed at silencing any voices that dare shine the light on the society to which we are saying Bring Back our Girls,’’ he said at a lecture held to commemorate the Chibok girls abduction.
And I guess they can only take the throne away from him but cannot take away his royalty in the community of decent humans. Really, I believe the emir would rather give up his throne than be gagged by the shareholders of iniquity.
To say the least, Sanusi’s dethroning was not unexpected. Ganduje had always shown his hand in this plot. Really, the emir of Kano never hid his dislike for him. But what is there to like about a governor who was allegedly caught on camera stuffing wads of dollars into his babariga? In the build-up to the 2019 governorship election in the state, the emir was not shy in expressing his disapproval to Ganduje’s candidature.
So, Ganduje, who considers Sanusi a ‘’loud mouth’’, plotted a bitter revenge after he was re-elected. He had moved to remove the emir in 2018 but for the intervention of some ‘’higher powers’’. However, he whittle-down the power of the emir by creating new emirates from his domain. He was not done though. He rustled-up allegations, set up probe panels – all in the desperation to embarrass Sanusi.
But Sanusi was still talking.
Really, one of the most abrasive places to exist is in the circle of non-progressives. You talk different, think different or act different, they will feel threatened. Even when you try to clown around; the aboriginal clowns will still feel threatened because you do not look the part.
I think, Emir Sanusi is light-years away from the people he is dealing with in Kano government. He is needed more at the top echelon of government where he can contribute more meaningfully to the development of Nigeria.
Northern Nigeria is not ready for an emir like Sanusi. He is ahead of his time.
Fredrick Nwabufo is a writer and journalist.
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