Is this guy stupid or is he just stupid? I mean seriously, how many times do you have to repeat yourself in order for him to “get it”. Why is it always a hassle to get this man to do some of the simplest things. How ungrateful is this guy when you give him so much, yet you have to pull teeth to get some movement out of him. This is just plain ridiculous, but you know what, maybe there is an explanation to this? Maybe if we took a deeper look we would understand why trying to get him to listen feels like an exercise in futility. None of what you’re about to read is validation, but explaining why in many cases he just won’t listen.
1. You Don’t Know How to Talk to Him
Nobody likes to be talked down to, yelled out, and feel attacked in any way. Yet that is exactly what happens a lot of times in relationships. A man wants to be respected, so if he feels like he isn’t getting it, then he may just tune that woman out. I understand that a woman’s approach in regards to this issue may be due to frustration with that man, and the fact that he has fallen short in the past with his end of things. Yet taking a negative approach will likely yield you negative results. Some of you may say “but I do speak calmly to him, and it still doesn’t work”. Well some of you are overlooking the fact that you can try to appear calm, but the stankness is still clearly radiating off your body. So be mindful of the kind of energy you are giving off, and keep reading to the end to find out what you should do if you truly are getting no results with a positive approach. On to number two…
2. You Show No Appreciation for His Efforts
“Well he is supposed to do that, that’s his job as a man”. I hear that line all the time, and honestly I despise it. Not just when women use it, but men as well. Don’t get me wrong, I understand the premise of it, but it simply sets the stage for a lack of appreciation in a relationship. Anytime someone feels unappreciated it can cause them to shut down. Men are no different in this regard, and many times they feel there previous efforts always seem to get dismissed the moment they didn’t do what that women wants, when she wants it. So at that point he begins to ignore her, and dismiss her requests of him, which now creates an ongoing battle. Everyone has to realize that your partner technically doesn’t have to do a damn thing. They choose to live up to responsibilities and do right by you. So it should be appreciated, because appreciation breeds production. So if he isn’t listening, stop and ask yourself have you been appreciating.
3. He is Holding on to Animosity Towards You
This right here is pretty much a sum of what happens when the previous two things occur. Resentment starts to set in, and the animosity builds up in that man. All of that negative energy contributes to him not being attentive, and being unwilling to listen and work with you. Now the issue isn’t just limited to how you talk to him, and lack of appreciation. I have coached many couples where the man shut down due to sexual neglect, lack of support, financial recklessness, and the list goes on. So basically if he isn’t listening, then it is time to sit down and talk about what issues may be causing this problem. Go into this conversation not just with the intent to air out your grievances, but to be open to listening to his as well. Don’t try to validate your negative actions, because of his negative actions. Acknowledge what you can improve and hopefully he will be willing to do the same. The goal is to make progress, and eliminate the roadblocks to the two of you getting on the same page.
When All Else Fails…
Now I know some of you ladies are saying to yourself “what am I supposed to do when nothing works with him. I try to be positive and patient but nothing seems to change”. Well if you have truly taken a positive approach, and you’re not married, then you may need to leave him. I’m sorry, I know that sounds harsh, but for many of you it is the reality you face. He may not be listening because he simply doesn’t respect you or love you like that, everybody isn’t with their “Boaz”, and therefore that relationship would need to end. If you’re married, then you should first consider a third party to help facilitate the process of progress, and gain more clarity on which direction you need to go in. Either way the first step is to evaluate how you’re contributing to the issue, and correct those things asap. A lot of times the ability to get people to listen all stems from our ability to take a positive and effective approach.