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Relationships: How to Stop Being Overly Jealous

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Do you find yourself getting nagging feelings of jealousy when your partner is talking to other girls?sad-black-couple1

Do you worry that you’re smothering the relationship with your fears? To stop being an overly-jealous girlfriend and start being a dream girl, follow these instructions.

1. Give your partner space

If you’ve been dogging his footsteps, confronting him with accusations, stalking his social media profiles, or exhibiting any other desperate behavior, your first order of business is to back off. Take a few deep breaths, detach, and play it cool for a while.

Find opportunities to be with friends, go to an event you’ve been interested in, and turn him down for at least one get-together.

Be very careful not to act vindictive about this, the point isn’t to punish him, give him the cold shoulder, or manipulate him into begging for forgiveness, but to give the both of you a break so you can blow off a little steam, get some perspective, and hopefully save the relationship.

2. Learn to feel good about yourself

Most feelings of jealousy come from being insecure and thinking that someone else can make your partner happier or bring more to the table. Remember that your partner chose you, not anyone else.

Stop obsessing over your weight, height, or looks, your constant negativity is draining for you and your partner both. Worse yet, an overactive attitude of insecurity can drive people away, become a self-fulfilling prophecy that drives you deeper into the hole of fear and self-neglect.

Accept yourself as you are. Your partner is with you for a reason and obviously finds you attractive, but even if he weren’t and didn’t, you should never let anyone else’s opinion define or validate yours.

3. Deal with past hurts

Most people have them – and many let them spill over into new relationships by either re-enacting the same unhealthy dynamic over and over again or by looking at their wonderful new partners with a skeptical eye.

If necessary, learn how to cope with emotional pain so that you can feel better about yourself and be able to see your current relationship for what it really is.

4. Learn what it means to have a healthy relationship

Whether you’re new to the game or have been at it for years, it’s not always easy to know what a relationship is supposed to be and feel like. Many people don’t grow up with good examples of healthy relationships among their friends, family, or even parents.

What’s worse, having one awful relationship can completely throw off your sense of balance and self-trust, making you second-guess your every move for years to follow.

5. Reassess your current relationship

Once you’ve done some soul-searching and have a clearer perspective on things, it’s time to look at your relationship with a fresh eye.

Do your jealousy, doubt, and fear stem from your own issues with self-worth… or is that something you’ve been telling yourself to justify your partner’s unsatisfactory behavior?

Even if you haven’t been as stable a girlfriend as you should be, that doesn’t mean you should overlook or write off your partner’s transgressions to over-correct for your own feelings of guilt.

It’s always possible that your out-of-control feelings were the result of trying to suppress your own gut instincts – or, at the very least, that you both have played a hand in making the relationship what it is today.

6. Breathe new life into the relationship

Before you can do any in-depth work on yourself or as a couple, you need to do damage control on your strained relationship. Start by striking a healthy balance between giving your partner space and increasing the quality of your time together.

Pursue your own interests in a meaningful, enriching way: after all, part of what attracts people to one another is mystery, and if you spend all your time checking in on your partner with calls, texts, emails, and Facebook posts, there can hardly be any intrigue left in what you do.

Split your time more evenly between your partner and your friends and allow your partner to do the same. Rediscover your interest in a former passion or, if necessary, find a new hobby that will make your non-romantic time more meaningful.

Then, when you have both remembered what it’s like to miss one another, improve your time together by going on a vacation or staycation, trying something new like taking a partner dance class, or lightening the mood by being playful and maintaining the romance.

7. Build your communication

This is something the two of you both need to work on together; many relationship woes could be cured, if not avoided altogether, if couples simply learned how to truly and effectively communicate with one another. A big part of communicating effectively is knowing how to broach an unpleasant topic without putting your partner on the defensive (or, worse yet, the offensive).

Start by curbing your accusations: learn to state what you feel (ex. “I feel afraid when you stay out late and don’t tell me where you are or how long you’ll be there”) instead of what you fear (“I’m worried you’re cheating on me”), which can be come off like a slap in the face.

Be honest about your thoughts and concerns while you’re having them instead of stockpiling them for later and letting them explode one day out of the blue.

8. Learn to trust

Trust issues can make you go crazy. Ask yourself who it is you really mistrust: your partner, your partner’s friends… or yourself?

Coming to the realization that you still don’t trust yourself in love or that you’re simply threatened by other girls is a good thing, both stem from the same issue, can be worked on, and are totally within your control. Learn how to trust your partner again for his and your sake both.

He didn’t text you back? Big deal. Obsessing over things like this will only come across as annoying; if you are laid back and don’t expect instantaneous replies to everything, etc, he will not get irritated.

Don’t call him to see if he’s still there – take a deep breath and let it go. He will reply when he can.

Don’t ask him to stop going certain places. Part of jealousy is the desire to control others, and by giving him freedom, you show that you trust him and make him more likely to respect you.

Don’t write a blank check of trust. If you are genuinely concerned about something, do not be afraid to (gently) broach the topic.

Mention that it makes you feel uncomfortable when he talks to certain girls, or tell him honestly about a behavior he has that bothers you. Don’t overreact or make accusations. Simply state how you feel and, if he respects that, he will try to work it out.

If your partner simply isn’t trustworthy, it’s his turn to roll up his sleeves and match some of the hard work you’ve been putting into the relationship. If he can’t or won’t do it, dump him and start looking for someone who will.

9. Be an awesome girlfriend

Okay, so you’ve managed to salvage the relationship and heal the damage that has been done. Focus on being positive and making the relationship work. The right type of relationship needs communication, trust and prayer.

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2 Comments

2 Comments

  1. Vin

    November 4, 2013 at 9:48 pm

    Nice one

  2. CrisisMaven

    June 17, 2014 at 3:35 pm

    Well overly or overtly: the above sounds a bit as if only the girl has to do the investing in their partnership.

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Lifestyle

Nigerian & Jamaica Celebrates 50 Years Of Diplomatic Relations With Direct Flights to Jamaica

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As the festive season approaches, travel enthusiasts and lovers of fun, relaxation or  adventure, will have a chance to create history, by being part of the first direct charter flights from Lagos, Nigeria to Montego Bay, Jamaica. The flights are in celebration of 50 years of diplomatic relations between Nigeria and Jamaica. Both countries have worked hard to promote culture, education, industrial and economic development, at different levels.

The first flight will leave Lagos on 21 December and return on 28 December 2020. A second rotation will take place from 30 December to 6 January 2021. Each flight will last for just over 11 hours and relieves the traveler of the stress of securing transit visas via Europe or the US and the uncertainties associated with multiple connections.

The flights are being coordinated by the Jamaican High Commission in Abuja and Nigerians Travel Too, a leading tour operator based in Lagos and the UK. They are also a reflection of the creative fusion of the Nigerian and Jamaican history and culture, which both partners have dubbed the Nai-Jamaica Project. A dedicated website www.nai-jamaica.com has been launched, to showcase the range of travel and business opportunities that are available.


In tandem with the upcoming flights, handcrafted holiday experiences and multiple travel packages have been designed with each visitor in mind. The main items covered include: flight tickets, accommodation, airport transfers, tours and meals among others. [Participating tour operators are also offering free visa processing and support].

Nigeria’s trusted international carrier, Air Peace, will facilitate each trip with its elegant Boeing 777-300ER aircraft. Passengers will be able to travel in style and comfort across the First, Business and Economy Class cabins that are on offer at unbeatable rates.

Jamaica’s High Commissioner to Nigeria, HE Esmond Reid, has hailed the direct flights as, “An historic and unique opportunity, as part of our 50th anniversary celebrations, to reconnect with family and friends from Nigeria, Jamaica, the Caribbean and other parts of the world, in a world class tourist destination”.


Jamaica has won many international travel and tourism awards and has developed special COVID-19 protocols for the tourism sector. These are designed to protect and enhance the tourism experience for visitors and workers in the industry, in the face of the global pandemic.

Widely recognized as the “heartbeat of the world” and the land of Reggae Music, Jamaica is home to various tourist attractions and cultural icons such as Bob Marley, Marcus Garvey and Usain Bolt.

Visitors can never get enough of the opportunities for rafting, diving, golf, tennis, fishing, nature walks or horseback riding, among other exciting activities that are available in Jamaica. Places like the Abeokuta Nature Park and the Calabar High School also add special significance for visitors from Nigeria.

There will be nowhere else like Jamaica this Christmas and New Year. You can’t afford to miss this awesome Nai-jamaica experience!!!

Tickets are selling like hot cakes. Bookings will close on 20 November to guarantee visa processing, so don’t delay.

For more information on travel, tours and packages visit:
www.nai-jamaica.com
IG; @nigerianstraveltoo

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Lifestyle

‘I Tested Positive To HIV After Gang Raped By 3 Men – Chef Ayomide

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‘I Tested Positive To HIV After Being Gang Raped By 3 Men For Being Gay’ – Chef Ayomide
Ayomide and his lover

Ayomide and his lover

Nigerian chef, Ayomide Idowu, who is also a male rape survivor, has taken to his Instagram page to tell his story.

The openly gay young man recalled how he was allegedly gang raped by 3 hoodlums at the age of 19 because of his sexuality and how he eventually contracted HIV.

Ayomide revealed his life never remained the same as he was also arrested and victimized by the police.

In his words;

“I could remember last 5years ago
What I pass through from 3 hoodlums
I was thoroughly beaten and gang-raped
All because I’m Gay…they took advantage of me
I was 19years old boy then, I suffered humiliation
Arbitrary arrest from police,inhuman degrading treatment,I lost my precious Home at the age of 19years..no parents no family…it really hurts to be an orphan….after I lost my virginity from the raped….having unprotected sex from those hoodlums I WAS TESTED POSITIVE….being positive my mood changed…I started my medication and think less…I stay away from smoking and alcohol…I eat Good fruits and vegetables…thanks to God I’m a testifier now
I’m undetectable my CD4 850 viral load 10
It really worth testimony 🙏🤦im looking healthy and stunning…being HIV positive is not the end of life…it reveals the other side of you…my aims of sharing my life threatening story as an orphan,so that people can learn from this…. 5years living positively”

Read Also: GAYS are one of the most influential & successful people in Nigeria — Chef Ayomide

See his post below:

The gay activist’s post

The gay activist’s post

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Actress Osas Ighodaro Celebrates Her 30th Birthday With Emotional Post

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Actress Osas Ighodaro Celebrates Her 30th Birthday With Emotional Post
Osas Ighodaro

Osas Ighodaro

Nigerian actress, Osas Ighodaro penned an emotional note via Instagram as she clocked 30-years-old on Monday.

To mark her birthday, the single mother of one posted a monochrome photo of herself as she wished for people to continue praying for those who lost their lives during these turbulent period.

Ighodaro wrote;

“Thank God for another year. Happy Birthday to me. If you know me, you know I absolutely love birthdays but this year it certainly hits different. I’m overwhelming grateful for life and thankful to God to be able to see another birthday bc unfortunately many haven’t and won’t have that opportunity.

I am hopeful for better days for myself, those that I love and hold dear and most certainly for my country Nigeria. I pray for unity, peace, harmony and togetherness. We all deserve it.

My birthday wish is to please continue to pray for those innocent lives lost. Please remain hopeful and focused because I truly believe better days are soon ahead by God’s grace.

Peace, Love and Blessings.”

See her post below:

The actress’ post

The actress’ post

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