Ask the experts what an engaged couple should discuss before they get married and you’ll probably hear something along the lines of “money, séx, and kids.” Heck, that’s even the name of one relationship book. With all due respect to the experts, I think they may want to work on that list a little bit. Sure, those are all important. But what about the things carefully designed to drive husbands and wives up the wall and right through the ceiling? The tiny beard hairs left in the sink after a shave? The plates placed willy nilly in the dishwasher? Come on, ladies and gentlemen! It’s time to settle the debates a couple absolutely must have before the wedding:
1. Does the toilet paper go over or under the roll?
2. Cats? Dogs? Both?
3. Can you eat breakfast for dinner?
4. Cold pizza: yes or no?
5. Is it acceptable to open presents as they arrive or do you have to wait for the actual birthday or holiday?
6. Should the dirty forks and knives go in the dishwasher with the handle sticking out of the utensil tray or down in the utensil tray?
7. Is it acceptable to leave dishes in the sink to “soak” overnight, or do they need to be cleaned before bed?
8. Toothpaste: cap on or cap off?
9. Again on the toothpaste: roll it from the bottom or just squeeze really hard?
10. Are towels a one-time use item or do you use the same towel until laundry day?
11. How about washcloths?
12. Road trip or flying?
13. What’s the right thread count for sheets?
14. What brand of toilet paper?
15. Mayo or Miracle Whip?
16. Pepsi or Coke?
17. Can you eat the holiday candy out in the display bowl or must it be left there for display?
18. What is YOUR definition of camping?
19. Turn the thermostat down when you go out or leave it alone?
20. At what point is a garbage bag too full to stuff more trash in it?
21. How many times is it acceptable to hit the snooze button?
22. Thrift store shopping: great deals or gross?
23. How far in advance is it OK to plan a vacation?
24. Restaurant reservations: necessary or too restrictive?
25. Roller coasters: love ‘em or hate ‘em?
26. More chocolate chips, less cookie or more cookie, less chips?
27. How much orange juice must be left in the container for it to be returned to the fridge?
28. Chip clips or just roll the bag up?
29. Call the doctor or just take some medicine at home?
30. Where is the prime location for the TV remote to stay?
31. Is it OK to have a TV in the bedroom?
32. Should folded clothes be put away, or is it OK to just pull as needed from the basket of clean laundry?
33. Do you need to write a grocery list or just wait until you’re walking around the store to figure out what you need?
34. Making the bed: must-do or waste of time because you’re just going to get back in it?
35. Is it OK to shave/clip toenails in the living room?
See? So many issues, so little time to get them straightened out before you’re grumbling about that dishwasher.
All right, weigh in: what drives you batty about your partner that you wish you’d settled before the wedding?