The good news is that you’ve found a girl you really like and you want her to be your girlfriend. The bad news is, every time you think about asking her to make it official, you start to feel nervous…or even nauseous.
You keep asking yourself, “What if she rejects me? What if my question doesn’t come out the right way?” If you follow these easy steps, your question will most likely be met with a resounding, “Yes, please!”
1. Examine your reasons for asking the girl to make it official.
If you’ve found a girl who makes you feel special and your heart is beating at a million miles per minute, then chances are, she would make a great girlfriend.
However, asking someone to be your girlfriend could be making a serious commitment that could lead to marriage, and it’s important to understand your motives before you plunge into your question.
- If she’s the right girl, then she will possess many positive qualities that will make your relationship thrive. Here are a few signs that she is girlfriend material: You love spending time with her. Every time you are apart, you’re counting down the minutes until you’ll see each other again.
- She makes you want to be a better person. Her intelligence, quick wit, and work ethic makes you want to read more books, work harder, and brush up on your jokes.
- She is committed to you. If she has demonstrated loyalty by showing up to watch your band perform, or bringing you chicken soup when you’re feeling sick, chances are, she’ll transition smoothly into the girlfriend role.
- You have common interests. You have things in common, from your favorite sports teams to your love for running marathons. Though you don’t have to share all of your interests, you have to have enough in common so you can find meaningful ways to spend time together as the relationship progresses.
- If she’s the wrong girl, or you’re in it for the wrong reasons, then chances are, you’re better off being single. Here are some signs that you should not take your relationship to the next level:
- If she expresses interest in other men. If you know she is casually dating others, and makes no plans to stop seeing them, chances are she won’t stop pursuing her extra-curricular activities once she becomes your girlfriend. However, give her the benefit of the doubt: she may be on the dating market, but you could be the one she has her eye on.
- You only want to date her because you are lonely, or in need of some attention in the bedroom. Casual dating works best for these situations. Having a girlfriend is a real commitment, and you should be asking the girl to make it official because you care about her–not about what she can do for you.
2. Make sure she likes you.
If she’s sending you mixed signals, try spending a little more time with her until you feel confident about how she feels.
- Avoid asking too early! If you’re only just beginning to get to know her and you immediately ask her to be your girlfriend, she will say no because she doesn’t know you well enough, and the resulting happiness might decrease your chances of being together. Furthermore, she will probably think you’re a bit strange (in a not so great way).
- Listen to her words, and note her body language. Do you get the impression that she wants to be around you? You can pick up on this pretty easily if you concentrate on her actions.
- Get a sense of her feelings from her friends. Without being too obvious, you can check in with her friends to see if she’s really digging you. This can help boost your confidence–and to avoid potentially awkward situations if she has you deep in the Friend Zone.
3. Find the right place and time to ask your question.
It’s important to be thoughtful about when and where you’ll be asking your question. This will show your girl that you put time and effort into planning your special moment, and will increase your chances of getting a favorable response.
- Pick a location that sets the right tone. It’s important to pick a place where you can have enough privacy to ask your question. You can avoid any overly-romantic location, such as a candle-lit dinner, which will make your intentions too obvious and will make things more awkward if you are rejected. Asking during a long walk in a park or over quiet drinks can be just perfect.
- Pick the right time. Evenings are more romantic and will allow the girl to focus on you, not her busy day. You can ask her on a weekend night, but be wary that this will make it look like a date already.
- Make plans in advance. Be mysterious. Ask her to meet you a week in advance, so she’ll be thinking about your intentions. This will show her that you’re playful and thoughtful.
4. Have the right attitude.
You should approach the evening with a positive attitude. Thinking that your conversation will go well can really help you succeed. If you have confidence in the future of your relationship, she will too.
- Avoid being nervous. Don’t bite your nails, or retreat into awkward silence. Just be yourself.
5. Pop the question in the best way possible.
It’s important to deliver your question in the best way possible, so that your intentions are clear.
- Once you’ve gotten to know your girl, it’s time to ask her to be yours. There are several ways to ask a girl to be your girlfriend, and it’s going to depend on how people your age refer to it. For example, “going steady” is an outdated phrase. The following are pretty timeless:
- “Will you be my girlfriend?” Asking her to be your girlfriend is much more direct and upfront than “would you go out with me?” Most girls would be flattered by your confidence and direct speech.
- Don’t be afraid to be creative if the direct route is not for you. You can ask the girl by handing her a letter, writing “Will you be my girlfriend?” on a cake, or finding another creative way to capture her attention–and her heart.
- Don’t wait a long time or she’ll think you don’t like her anymore. Girls have their limits.
- Avoid asking her to be your “implied girlfriend.” This may happen when you’ve been hanging out for a few weeks and generally having a good time. Then, one day you sort of look at each other and you ask, “Hey, are we going out?”. Invariably, the answer will be No. Most times, it is just worse not to be direct about what you are.
6. React appropriately
Whether she agrees to be your girlfriend and gives you a big hug or turns you down, your actions after you pop the questions can set the tone for the rest of the relationship.
- If she says yes, tell her how excited you are to hear that you’ll be spending time together as boyfriend and girlfriend. All of your cards are on the table and you don’t have to worry so much about playing it cool anymore. Reciprocating her enthusiasm will show how thrilled you are about your future together!
- If she rejects you, be understanding. There are many reasons that she may not want to be your girlfriend, such as having feelings for someone else, or only seeing you as a friend. Whatever her reason, it’s important not to put her down or act like you don’t care about her anymore. This will show that you’re mature and reasonable, and will allow you to continue your friendship. Also, this will make it more likely that she will reconsider your question if you ask her in the distant future!