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Does Your Man Have To Peel To See The Real You.

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Beneath-Your-Beautiful-BellaNaija-July-2013

Yes…a woman’s emotions are sometimes like an onion. You have to peel that onion to get to the core. You have to get through several layers to get to the real her…the real crux of what she is about. That said, how many layers does he have to literally peel to get to see the real you?

When he actually gets the opportunity to come close (not necessarily sexually but emotionally or even comfort level-wise) will he be in for a shock? Will he find a totally different person than you “introduced” to him when you first met?

In statistics, “Standard Deviation” is defined as the deviation or variation from the mean (average). In the context of this article, we are talking about when you are constantly so far from your “mean”…when you have so many layers to yourself that you now look far from who you look like naturally….and you depend on that always.

I am a guy and I do not know enough about what it’s like to be a woman so let me be the first to say that this article is NOT about telling you how much to do or not do to look pretty. I don’t even have the right to define that for you.

However, when the layers of makeup, the fake eye lashes, the hair extensions, the girdle and shapers, the one-size-smaller-than-your-actual-size bras for more cleavage volume, colored contacts, padded bras, acrylic nails, high heels and everything else comes off, who are you? Are you comfortable in that skin? Who is that girl? Do you think she is beautiful? Do you think she deserves to be loved by a good man? Do you think she is worth waiting for? Do YOU love her? Or do you think she is below standard…a far cry from what is deemed “acceptable”? Are you constantly covering her up so completely that she is basically unrecognizable? Do you despise her so much that you rarely ever feel like presenting her to the world?

This is a tough thing to talk about for most women because of the extreme and often unfair pressure that society puts on women to be a certain way. I don’t have a problem with taking care of yourself or adorning yourself to look pretty. The problem arises when a woman’s sense of self esteem and confidence is low when she is in her natural state, but shows up when she is “layered” with all these additional features. If YOU yourself don’t love “her” then no one else will. You’ll meet men who fall in love with the layers that you presented and you’ll end up frustrated that the man that you’re with doesn’t love you for the real you (without the layers) when the truth of the matter was that you led with the layers, you depended on the layers to “catch his attention” . “You wooed him with the layers that made you into a completely different person than the real you and now you’re stuck in that space.

Here is a message for the men though. One thing you must actively do is to help your woman detach her esteem from her “layers”. That’s not so say you should prevent her from doing things to look pretty, but you must work hard at helping your woman to feel self esteem WITHOUT the pain of high heels, oxygen draining shapers and layers of makeup and all the host of things they do to feel good about themselves.

Sometimes demand…(yes demand) that she wears little or no makeup, dresses comfortable, and then let her know how beautiful she is.,.how appreciated she is. She NEEDS that. Again , it’s not to say that she shouldn’t do the girly stuff to feel like a beautiful woman but she needs to be freed from the cage that society, men in her past and ESPECIALLY other women have put her in…the cage that says that if she is not in physical discomfort from the heels, girdle, painful braids, slapping herself in the head a hundred times a day because of the tight weave on her head , wearing hair from another race/country, wearing fake eyelashes, or if her nails are not a different color that what God made them in, if she has not used a flat iron or if she has not taken a picture in the classic standing cross feet female pose , she is not beautiful. Other women can be trapped in that cage…not your woman. No. she deserves better.

For reasons beyond the scope of this article, people (both men and women) ESPECIALLY women, get a very different response from the world around them when they look attractive (whatever that means. People DO treat them differently when they are looking good. But that should not be the case at home with you. YOU my man, should be the reason why she can go el natural and still feel like she can still maintain her full self esteem. YOU are her escape from the crazy world out there.

Now ladies, I know you liked that little section above with me telling the men to do this and that to help you build your self esteem. But as you know if you’ve ever read anything from me, you’ll know that I am more concerned with your growth than writing something cute. So here are some more thoughts for you.

It’s icing on the cake to have a man that works at making you feel great about yourself without the layers the world insists you must put on. However, the responsibility is still yours to take care of your heart and your mind. It is still your responsibility to love yourself the way you are. That’s not to say that you can’t feel prettier in makeup and all those fun girly adorning things…no that’s not what this article is saying. What it IS saying is that you must not hand over your self esteem to these eye lashes, heels, corsets, foundation or glossy lipsticks.

You see, once you already love yourself the way you are, you will always be able to present yourself the way you are as. Unfortunately, women who don’t learn to love themselves how they are always “in character” like an actress taking on the personality of that done-up persona. It’s exhausting.

Think about it…you go out to the world, all done up and layered, feeling and behaving confident, poised and secure. You come home, take them all off and your confidence, poise and security goes off to (This is not a generalization of all women. If the shoe fits…) You’ll put pressure on him to give you ALL the affirmation you need.

The compliments on how pretty you are, your hair, your eyes, your fitted dress all come and at the back of your mind, you know it’s all the makeup, the hair attachment/weave you overpaid for that used to be the hair of someone else from another race, the lashes you attached, the shaper/corset……and all the layers you have added to yourself to totally hide the real you…and then you come home, take them all off and demand that your man “Love you for you” and “Love you the way you are” and he secretly wants to say “Even YOU don’t love you for you”… “Even YOU don’t love you the way you are”.

So Sista…work on loving yourself more and more. Your natural self. Connect with her. Make her naturally beautiful from time to time. Hit the gym if you need to, eat better if you need to, but know that you are probably more beautiful than you allow yourself to think. You just gotta walk and talk like you believe that, and you’ll see the world respond positively to that.

Deviation from your norm is good but If that deviation has now become your standard of living, then you’re trapped in a life of Standard Deviation…don’t be. You deserve better.

bella

Health and Food

Avoid These Nigerians Food To Burn Stubborn Belly Fat (Video)

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Being overweight or obese can be detrimental to your health. It is not advisable to have excess fat in the abdominal cavity because it can lead to some health issues. Getting your dream body will not be easy and you need to make some sacrifices to your diet. You will also need to turn a blind eye to some fatty foods.

If you’re ready to get rid of the belly fat, then stay put as Information Nigeria brings you some important tips that will help.

1. Avoid sugar and carbonated drinks

Did you know that consuming sugary substances like coke, fanta can lead to weight gain and a number of health problems like high blood pressure?. This is due to the high fructose content found in added sugars. Taking sugar-filled drinks may slow your metabolism and this in turn can make it harder for your body to burn fat. Fructose can only be metabolized by your liver. When you consume too much, you push your liver to its limit and it becomes overloaded, then it turns the fructose into fat and it ends up getting stored in your belly. To avoid putting yourself from risk, you should cut back on foods and drinks that contain huge amounts of sugar.

 

2. You also have to forgo junk foods like meat pie, cakes, rolls, candies, burgers, ice cream and cookies. You also need to do away with heavy foods like eba, akpu, pounded yam, rice among others. Switch up your eating habits and opt for a more balanced-diet if you want to burn your belly fat. Avoid consuming refined carbs like bread, pizza, potation chips etc. You should also stay away from processed and heavy foods because they contribute to stubborn belly fat. You should choose to eat proteinous foods like fish, eggs, and milk. starch contains fat, sugar and salt. They help a person feel fuller so you don’t end up looking for something to munch on after eating. It basically keeps hunger at bay.

3. Eat the right amount of fruits, vegetables, fibrous foods and whole grains – You can add vegetables, fruits and whole grains to your weight loss diet. They provide essential vitamins, minerals, fiber and other substances that are good for your body. Examples of fibre rich foods include; beans, broccoli, avocados, apples, oatmeal brown rice and whole grain bread.

4. Try to incorporate exercise into your daily or weekly routine – Exercise helps to speed up your metabolism and helps you shed weight. The bitter truth is that wearing just waist trainers and staying put in one position will not make you lose that stubborn belly fat. You should hit the gym.

5 Reduce alcohol intake – Excess intake of alcohol also leads to a host of health problems especially the build-up of fat in the belly area. Have you ever noticed that those who drink alcohol, especially men, often develop ‘pot-bellies’. Alcoholic drinks like beer provide your body with calories and very little nutrients. It can also increase your appetite. Replace the alcoholic drinks with water or alternate with low calorie, non-alcoholic beverages. Too much alcohol can cause liver damage and other serious health problems.

6. Try out apple cider vinegar – Apple cider vinegar is made in a two-step fermentation process. It is obtained from apples that have been crushed, distilled and fermented. Acetic acid is the main active component of apple cider vinegar. It is safe for consumption in small quantities and can be taken as a supplement. Do not also consume it straight from the bottle or in its pure form. Add 1 to 2 tablespoons to water before you drink. You can also add honey or lemon. It is best to drink it before your meals. Research shows it has many health benefits, such as lowering blood sugar levels.

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Entertainment

Williams Uchemba And His Wife Exchange Wedding Vows In Lagos (Video)

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Williams Uchemba and his wife, Brunella Oscar

Williams Uchemba and his wife, Brunella Oscar

Popular Nigerian actor, Williams Uchemba and his wife, Brunella Oscar have officially solemnized their union.

The couple finally exchanged their wedding vows at Dominion city church in Lagos state.

The beautiful wedding ceremony was reportedly officiated by the founder of the church, Dr. David Chukwudi Ogbueli alias Papa Eagle.

Celebrities, fans and well-wishers poured in congratulatory message for the couple after photos and videos from the ceremony hit the internet.

The actor wore a sleek tuxedo, while his bride,  wore a lovely white gown.

Read Also:Actor Williams Uchemba Set To Walk Down The Aisle With Mystery Woman

Watch the videos below:

https://twitter.com/gregorogholi/status/1330121905387540483?s=21

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Entertainment

Actor, Model, Comedian, Philanthropist… Meet The Latest Groom, Williams Uchemba

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Williams Uchemba

Williams Uchemba

Williams Uchemba, who was born on October 22, is an actor, motivational speaker, model, comedian, entrepreneur and philanthropist. The Abia-born thespian graduated with a Bachelor’s Degree in International Relation from the University of Nigeria, Nsukka in Enugu State.

Uchemba began his career in the early 2000s as a child actor and came into the limelight in 2001 after appearing in the Nollywood blockbuster movie, “The Journey of the Dead” along with Olu Jacobs, Ramsey Noah, and Pete Edochie.

Since then, the multi-talented actor never looked back as he has gone ahead to feature in more blockbuster movies like Sugar Rush (2019), Merry Men 2(2019) and Story Story: The African Rideshare (2018). He is the recipient of several awards.

The actor adopted an 18-year-old furniture maker in June and he promised to sponsor his education. He recently got married to his longtime girlfriend, Brunella Oscar at her hometown, Alor in Anambra state. The actor’s wife, Brunella opened up on their love story with Wedding Digest Naija and she disclosed that she made the first move. According to the English trained medical doctor, they both met on Facebook after she sent him a message.

 

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