After spending years working with couples and individuals who have been through a breakup ordivorce, it seems that there are problems that keep coming up over and over again. Wouldn’t it be good to know where to really concentrate our efforts so we can give our marriages the best chance at survival?
Here are six marriage mistakes that can easily lead to divorce:
1. You talk to friends about the rotten thing you think your husband did to you.Research suggests that friends are often more upset when they think their bestie is being mistreated than when they’re experiencing the same mistreatment themselves. Besides, most of us don’t really understand how our conditioning and wiring as women differs from our husbands’ conditioning and wiring as men. That’s why conversations about men with female friends often lead to husband-bashing that helps nobody. The solution is to limit talking about your marital problems to just two people: For example, a trusted friend along with a coach or therapist.
2. You think that talking about these problems with your husband is the answer. All too often, women think that talking to our husbands is the way to make them see how their behavior affects us. If the behavior doesn’t change when we first bring it up, we want to talk more, longer, or louder because we think maybe they didn’t get it the first time. One of the biggest pet peeves for men is that feeling of being nagged or badgered, especially if they don’t know what the problem really is. Also, the rules of polite, kind, nice conversation that women try to follow often come off as indirect, manipulative and mysterious to men. Women often conclude that their husbands don’t care because they haven’t changed after a particular conversation. The solution: learn communication skills designed specifically to talk with men and spend more time doing fun activities.
3. You believe that your happiness depends on your husband changing. Research has shown that happiness does increase when your husband changes for the better, but that change originates withyou. Paradoxically, the women who focused on becoming the person they want to be, rather than on how to get their husband to change, were happier down the road. The solution: focus on being the best you. To understand more about the art and science of being happy, check out my class here.
4. You live parallel lives. Living parallel lives with your husband is the slippery slope to disconnecting completely. The bonds of marriage thrive on having interest in one another, working toward common goals and spending time with one another. Couples who are trying to reconnect after their children have left home often come to realize that they don’t know each other anymore. The solution: take the time to know what’s important to your husband and let him know what’s important to you.
5. You focus on what’s wrong. One of the most difficult scenarios I come across is a couple in which one or both people are stuck viewing each other through a negative lens, expecting the worst. Our brains do a wonderful job of seeing what we expect to see, and we are much more likely to view our husbands as doing everything wrong when we have developed a negative view of them. A relationship coach can help you regain a balanced view. Contact me here to help you find that balanced view. The solution: balance your concerns with a positive view. A relationship thrives when we see our partner through rose-colored glasses.
6. You utter these deadly words: “I deserve … “ These words need to be banned from your vocabulary. The mentality that goes along with using these words includes a form of entitlement that kills the softness needed for a couple to cherish one another. Saying “I deserve” is inherently a demand. It’s very different from knowing internally that you are worth more, and having the communication skills necessary to ask for more. Knowing what you’re worth helps you inspire your husband to cherish you. The solution: focus on knowing your own worth. Get clear about what’s important to you in a relationship, and learn how to ask for it.
Nigerian & Jamaica Celebrates 50 Years Of Diplomatic Relations With Direct Flights to Jamaica
As the festive season approaches, travel enthusiasts and lovers of fun, relaxation or adventure, will have a chance to create history, by being part of the first direct charter flights from Lagos, Nigeria to Montego Bay, Jamaica. The flights are in celebration of 50 years of diplomatic relations between Nigeria and Jamaica. Both countries have worked hard to promote culture, education, industrial and economic development, at different levels.
The first flight will leave Lagos on 21 December and return on 28 December 2020. A second rotation will take place from 30 December to 6 January 2021. Each flight will last for just over 11 hours and relieves the traveler of the stress of securing transit visas via Europe or the US and the uncertainties associated with multiple connections.
The flights are being coordinated by the Jamaican High Commission in Abuja and Nigerians Travel Too, a leading tour operator based in Lagos and the UK. They are also a reflection of the creative fusion of the Nigerian and Jamaican history and culture, which both partners have dubbed the Nai-Jamaica Project. A dedicated website www.nai-jamaica.com has been launched, to showcase the range of travel and business opportunities that are available.
In tandem with the upcoming flights, handcrafted holiday experiences and multiple travel packages have been designed with each visitor in mind. The main items covered include: flight tickets, accommodation, airport transfers, tours and meals among others. [Participating tour operators are also offering free visa processing and support].
Nigeria’s trusted international carrier, Air Peace, will facilitate each trip with its elegant Boeing 777-300ER aircraft. Passengers will be able to travel in style and comfort across the First, Business and Economy Class cabins that are on offer at unbeatable rates.
Jamaica’s High Commissioner to Nigeria, HE Esmond Reid, has hailed the direct flights as, “An historic and unique opportunity, as part of our 50th anniversary celebrations, to reconnect with family and friends from Nigeria, Jamaica, the Caribbean and other parts of the world, in a world class tourist destination”.
Jamaica has won many international travel and tourism awards and has developed special COVID-19 protocols for the tourism sector. These are designed to protect and enhance the tourism experience for visitors and workers in the industry, in the face of the global pandemic.
Widely recognized as the “heartbeat of the world” and the land of Reggae Music, Jamaica is home to various tourist attractions and cultural icons such as Bob Marley, Marcus Garvey and Usain Bolt.
Visitors can never get enough of the opportunities for rafting, diving, golf, tennis, fishing, nature walks or horseback riding, among other exciting activities that are available in Jamaica. Places like the Abeokuta Nature Park and the Calabar High School also add special significance for visitors from Nigeria.
There will be nowhere else like Jamaica this Christmas and New Year. You can’t afford to miss this awesome Nai-jamaica experience!!!
Tickets are selling like hot cakes. Bookings will close on 20 November to guarantee visa processing, so don’t delay.
For more information on travel, tours and packages visit:
‘I Tested Positive To HIV After Gang Raped By 3 Men – Chef Ayomide
Nigerian chef, Ayomide Idowu, who is also a male rape survivor, has taken to his Instagram page to tell his story.
The openly gay young man recalled how he was allegedly gang raped by 3 hoodlums at the age of 19 because of his sexuality and how he eventually contracted HIV.
Ayomide revealed his life never remained the same as he was also arrested and victimized by the police.
In his words;
“I could remember last 5years ago
What I pass through from 3 hoodlums
I was thoroughly beaten and gang-raped
All because I’m Gay…they took advantage of me
I was 19years old boy then, I suffered humiliation
Arbitrary arrest from police,inhuman degrading treatment,I lost my precious Home at the age of 19years..no parents no family…it really hurts to be an orphan….after I lost my virginity from the raped….having unprotected sex from those hoodlums I WAS TESTED POSITIVE….being positive my mood changed…I started my medication and think less…I stay away from smoking and alcohol…I eat Good fruits and vegetables…thanks to God I’m a testifier now
I’m undetectable my CD4 850 viral load 10
It really worth testimony 🙏🤦im looking healthy and stunning…being HIV positive is not the end of life…it reveals the other side of you…my aims of sharing my life threatening story as an orphan,so that people can learn from this…. 5years living positively”
See his post below:
Actress Osas Ighodaro Celebrates Her 30th Birthday With Emotional Post
Nigerian actress, Osas Ighodaro penned an emotional note via Instagram as she clocked 30-years-old on Monday.
To mark her birthday, the single mother of one posted a monochrome photo of herself as she wished for people to continue praying for those who lost their lives during these turbulent period.
“Thank God for another year. Happy Birthday to me. If you know me, you know I absolutely love birthdays but this year it certainly hits different. I’m overwhelming grateful for life and thankful to God to be able to see another birthday bc unfortunately many haven’t and won’t have that opportunity.
I am hopeful for better days for myself, those that I love and hold dear and most certainly for my country Nigeria. I pray for unity, peace, harmony and togetherness. We all deserve it.
My birthday wish is to please continue to pray for those innocent lives lost. Please remain hopeful and focused because I truly believe better days are soon ahead by God’s grace.
Peace, Love and Blessings.”
See her post below:
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