Ask Jay: My Parents Want me to Marry a Muslim but I’m in Love With a Christian. What Should I Do?!

sad-muslim-young-woman

Dear Jay,

I am a 22 yr. old final year student. I have been dating my boyfriend for 4yrs now. I am from a Muslim family. My boyfriend is not so rich but he’s comfortable and also a Christian and I love him very much and I know we’ll be happy together. He is ready for marriage but my parents insist I must marry a very rich Muslim guy. Even before I met my boyfriend I have been going to church because I don’t want to marry a Muslim. I also believe my happiness is more important than wealth and I also know he has a bright future.  What’s your advice?

O.Y

Dear O.Y,

I understand how you must be feeling. It’s hard, especially in Nigeria, to marry someone your parents don’t approve of. However, it’s not impossible.

First of all, you have to be sure you understand all that’s involved. You’ve said you have no problem with Christianity, so that’s out of the way. However, if you decide to marry your boyfriend against your parents’ wishes, it could mean your whole family will turn against you. I assure you that it will not be an easy journey so you have to make up your mind now and decide if it’s worth it.

If, however, you’re sure that you love your boyfriend enough to stand by him no matter what, then I suggest that you marry him. You’re the one who’s going to live with him and your happiness is paramount. I wish you the very best.

Sincerely,

Jay…

If you have a dilemma and you’d like to share, send an email to ‘Jola Sotubo on [email protected]

77 COMMENTS

  1. I pity you,your parent don’t want you to go astray that is why they are advicing u to marry muslim,what i will advice u is to follow ur parent opinion.

  2. My dear, kindly be careful and pray to God for wisdom and way of life. Your paradise lie in ur parent toes so u need to be careful, if you want to leave islam think very well and have a second thought dont use ur boyfriend as an excuse for leaving. A lot of good muslims brothers are available be careful my dear.

  3. I’ll advise you to pray for your parents for a change-of-heart because if you fail it in marriage, you’ve failed it in life. The Lord is your strength.

  4. Candidly, and for your eternal bliss, go back to Islam immediately and wallahi Allah wil surely link u with a sincere and life-fulfilling muslim. Parents apart, it is too costly not to die a muslim. Inwardly search for d light of Islam. U cant afford to perish!

  5. Dear, candidly, and for your eternal bliss, go back to Islam immediately and wallahi Allah wil surely link u with a sincere and life-fulfilling muslim. Parents apart, it is too costly not to die a muslim. Inwardly search for d light of Islam. U cant afford to compromise ur paradise solely cos of a boyfriend dat can do and undo nw or later! Allah has guided u already, so dont go astray.

  6. If you have imaan and love Allah and His Messenger you will do what is good for you in this World and hereafter. The choice is yours to make, but remember that Allah is watching you.

  7. My sister is nt an easy task,so u hav to be very care in choosing ur life patener if sincery u want to marry a christain nd u dat u love him,pray to God ask him to make ur parents understand what true love is all about,bcs u ar going to live wit him nt ur parents.

  8. Dear O Y,

    You need God’s wisdom @ this time. I am a xtian but believe me you, if you disobey ur parent, you sin against God. The bible says, honour thy father and thy mother, that thy day may be long upon the land which the lord thy God giveth thee. Ex 20:12
    If the man is he God has chosen for you, my dear, it’s simple: be strong in the Lord, and be more prayerful, commit your parent’s heart unto the Lord (who has the heart of the king) for change of mind. If need be, include fasting with your prayer, be far from sin and see what God can do.
    Please don’t get married without blessings from your parent. You are still very young, so don’t rush but do the needful… The almighty God will see you through this phase of life and you shall have a great testimony in Jesus name. Amen

  9. U Are not a muslim…perhaps u are frm a muslim family but didn’t have muslim’s faundation. Wish u God guidance.

  10. my baby,love is like a careless seed planted b it grows to bear much fruit.if u love him go ahead and marry him, bt try to convince ur pairents bcus they are important to u.let them knw dat this is love nd nt religion

  11. Abeg think vry wise bcos bird will nt do any benefit 4 z mother. Just 4get about luv an do what ur parent required 4rm u they kwn d best 4 u. Dont do what u will later regret. Open u eyes n think vry wish Almighty God will guid u n inshallahu u will be put prayer.

  12. Kindly,sister u’re not a real muslim,since u do not know d real test of d concept as state by hadith.if u knows it, wallahi u will not thing over or against it.my allah s.w.a guide u to understand very well.

  13. Salam O. Y,
    since u said u’re Muslm, so Islam has not encouraged muslim grl maryng a xtian male, bt it(islam) has emcouraged a muslm male maryng a xtian fmale.
    I am advisng u that, no matter hw u lyk marryng him ur relign has nt encouraged that, and that he really luvs u, u can convince him to accept islam if he accept u can marry him if not, i c no way islamically that has encouraged that(ur maryng of xtian male). May Allah guide us ameen. Bissalam

    • Are we talking about religion here….see the most important thing in this matter is the new generation that is about to be built.

  14. You have seen the two religions and your parents advise notwithstanding, you know what is good for you. Sooner than later, one of the men will posses you as one of his properties or even give you competitors, the other might just stick to you till the end of time. You don’t need anyone to advise you in this matter, because, you already have the answer in your heart.

  15. Ur parents dn’t hve enof reason 4 makin u nt 2 marry d luv of ur hrt.if u realy luv d guy n make sure dat d guy luv u as wel go ahead n marry hin bt seek 4 ur parents aproval first.

  16. My dear sister. I want you to understand that the basis of our creation is to worship our LORD almighty n Allah told us in the Qur’an to obey HIM n HIS messenger n also to be obedient to our parent. Remember when you are not up to what you are now,it was ur parents who brought u up n sees you to the time u mate ur love. Pls. Do’nt be blind obey Allah n follow ur parent’s decision wallahi u will never regret it. I wish you success n Allah’s guidance.

  17. My sister think deeply before you act, you might love him but remember a day will come when you and him will fight, in absent of your parent who will help you? who will claim for your right?

  18. 1st: y do u love him? 2nd: r u a muslimah or just a girl 4rm a muslim fmly? If u r a muslimah, its not ur parent command but ur creator’s dat u shldnot marry a mushrik. If u r just frm a muslim home on d oda hnd, ie. U r not a muslimah; tell ur parent d truth. I cant blame u 4 dere mistek/neglegence. But u hv 2 kno dat its ‘d dat sin, shall die’ 4 d wages of sin is death. N no 1 shall bear d iniquity of anoda: wish u best of luck n God guidance

  19. As far as a muslim is concerned knows that marrying a muslimah 2 a non- muslim is prohibited in Islam.Thus, why not convince him 2 embrace Islam 2 validate ur marriage?Definately he will if he truely loves u as u love him,but don’t ever mistakely violate d teachings of ur religion,& d advice of ur parents.

  20. Now i see condemnation in most reply made by some people here that Christianity is not right i want you to understand that we all one before God either Muslim or christian try to get that, my old friend from Secondary is a Muslim and he got married to christian up till date they are still together happily. So If you truely love your guy pray to God for guidance and he will lead you through . Amen

  21. whether Islam or Christianity… They all acknowledge same Almighty God/ Allah… So my sister do not let religion be a hinderance to ur love or marriage…. If u love him and you are sure he loves u back then go for it… As for ur parents, if there only reason is religion, then they have no reason @ all but still it wud be neccessary if u could win their hearts… But if that fails then follow ur God given heart…. Allahu Akbar and may He guide u…

  22. My sister dont enter hell-fire becos “LOVE OF A MAN” d ‘man’ u want 2 die for might fuck u up 2morow. Am telln u 4rm my experience. My sister did d same and she is regretin now parhaps u cant be wiser dan ur parents. A word is enof 4d wise. May God be with u and guid u right.

  23. Girlie, welcome to light. God has chosen you to be the light to your family. You will go through pains for Christ sake, but know that God himself will lead you through. At the end, you will be glorified and your parents will serve Jesus with you. Ask your pastor to pray with you and obey God’s instructions as given you. God bless you.

  24. I will advice u 2 go ahead and marry ur husband, we are in morden world. Let’s parent nt spoil our happiness in life, we have the right 2 make our choice, so go aheat and marry the man who is ur husband, muslim or christian we are all human being. Abeg oooo parent leave that girl alone, leave alon.e

  25. The GOD OF THE CHRISTIANS DOES NOT ALLOW A MAN TO MARRY MORE THAN ONE WIFE BUT THE god of Muslims does. Anyway am not advising you to dishonor ur parents. Don’t rush into marriage because He is a xtian but pray to our God, the God of the Christians to send you the right man that ur parents can not resist cos the glory of our Lord shall rest upon him. God bless you girl.

  26. The GOD OF THE CHRISTIANS DOES NOT ALLOW A MAN TO MARRY MORE THAN ONE WIFE BUT THE god of Muslims does. Anyway am not advising you to dishonor ur parents. Don’t rush into marriage because He is a xtian but pray to our God, the God of the Christians to send you the right man that ur parents can not resist cos the glory of our Lord shall rest upon him. God bless you girl….

  27. True & trustful LOVE died long ago wth Romeo & Juliet. D LOVE of now adays is nothing bt a mirage. “LOVE” is nt just enuf for you to take such drastic decision for your here & hereafter. These sacrifice u r about to make is costly one, u hv to consider & reconsider d pros & cons of sacrifices u trying to make, especially to detriment of parent wish.

  28. 4 dat case, u re a BITCH!, i dnt care, lyf is said 2be abundant nd i pray may d creator judge u accordn 2 wat u re tryn 2 innovate! Av a successful trip 2 hell

    • Now you r getting temperamentally judgemental. I’v tried to resist the temptation of responding, but let me say this: If what exists between them is TRUE LOVE, you cant do athing to it, but rather make a whore of the girl cos anytime she sees the guy, the feelings will come rushing back. My dear girl, very many of those writing these judgental comments have failed marritally and they want company in the marriage failure society, dont listen to them. Pray to God to touch your parents’ hearts and follow your heart. BUT be sure the guy loves you enough to go through rejection, ostracisement and even persecution with you.

  29. first of all, i can see the difference between people who are fighting for each other religion, discrimination of religious. No wonder, there will never be unity among we nigerians, if things continue to go this way. However, you people were only ask to give advice, not to proclaim religious stability. How can peace and unity reign in Nigeria when there is hatred and conflict between religion/ethnics group. Its only when we show love to each other that is when Nigeria can become a country of peace. As for the lady in questions, the final decision is yours for you to decide, because we have seen many people who their parent have lead astray in one way of the other concerning marital status. I pray that God will lead you through.

  30. Its obvios dat u ar nt only in love with ur bf bt in love wit christianity, so my d truth remains no religion wil take u 2 heaven bt rada Ur act & ur relationshp wit ur creator. Calm down & pray earnestly 2 God. God wil C U 2rue. Gudluk dear

  31. My 6ta I ‘ll advise u 2 Block Ur 2 Ears & close ur Eyes 2 Folow ur Parent desire. Cos both Religion re allowed 2 hv repesct 2 parent. Althoght I know there’s a Serious Agony of Separation 4 ur loved One.

  32. The will of d most high God must be done no matter what.
    Muslims stop discouraging ur sister, if u want her go and add her to d ones u already have. She asked 4 advice and u ar bringing religious matters to it, u are decievers. U said Islam is a religion of peace but u ar bringin division and enemity trying to make it a battle between the two religions, that is why there is no peace in Nigeria. Boko Harams, unwise ones.

  33. Salaam sister, this is very simple. If your boyfriend mean you in his life let him be a Muslim. I.e if his love for you is real. If he can’t forget it child cos the very you leave Islam will be the end happiness in your life and not just in the world but also in the hereafter. So please follow your parent and have a peaceful and happy life. Please did you really have good Islamic teaching?

    • @Nafiu, i see how the happy the islam dominated environment are? from Syria to Palestine, from Egypt to Libya, from Maiduguri to Kano, from Bauchi to Yobe, this is a clear indication of how confused you people are in life. Blood testy religion that depict occultism and terrorism. all of you are criticizing the girl bcos she has seen the light and truth, bcos the services of our God is perfect Freedom from every bondage. she don’t want to add to high number of divorcee of unfortunate ladies that married under islamic injunction. idon’t expect you to offer any reasonable advice cos you are in darkness.

  34. u think that the love that ur boyfriend have for u is beta than the one that ur parent have for u, where were he when they do all ur responsibilities? my sister bcareful, bcos in this life we may not make it upto tomorrow

  35. at first u said u where going to church b4 u met him ur boyfriend becus u wanted to marry a christian not a muslim,,,,,,, u has made ur choice b4 now but confused becus of what ur parents want from u,,, my advice for u is to follow ur heart,,,, marry ur man of dreams and choice, d God ur bf saves can never disapoint,,,,, cus from beging of time till date he is still faithful to those that trust and belive in him….. He shall see u through in jesus name.

  36. Dear i am very sorry for you because this same your socalled parents will in future call you a senceless girl, like wise all these people here commenting in the name of being muslim or christian. How do you think your parent will choose husband for you and it works? If problem come in that so-called marrage will they soffer it with you? Be wise! Choose who you will live your whole life with don‘t let any one do that for you in any reason.

  37. If it is God’s wish dat u wl marry a christian, seek God’s favor tru prayin n fastin. Ask in earnest wat u want frm Him, He is able t hear u if u earnestly pour ur suplications to Him. Yea He is able to deliver dos dat trust in Him.

  38. i see how pissed off the Muslim commentator are bcos a soul is about to be saved. they are angry cos God have snatched this girl from the grasp of satanic bondage that they are in. the girl have decided not to add to the gross number of unfortunate and divorced adults that married the islamic way in this country that has not proffer any solution to any problem of man kind, rather than terrorism.
    Bible encouraged us to obey our parents in the Lord, that means if ur parents are leading you outside the purpose of God, you may not necessarily obey them in that regard.
    my dear, move on, fear not for the “Egyptians” you’ve seen before you will see no more. don’t let these children of the slave woman take you back to “Egypt”. the services of our God is perfect freedom in Christ Jesus and Our God is Father to the fatherless, Mother to the motherless, so move and enjoy the grace God have made available for you in Christ Jesus by marrying your bf.
    cheers.

  39. If,islam preaches discrimination then,there is something wrong with d religion.Accept JESUS now d God that do nt discriminate ,he is d truth and d life.cos discrimination is a sin.

  40. you are disturbing your head, the guy is somewhere enjoyin himself, either or a man that has the tendency to change and become anything u never imagine or the religion that will never change always unique. see, my dear if u die because of one useles man, he will marry another but your parent will always be there for you when have issues. Dont be distracted by unfounded and exagyrated usless love. In all u dont know your religion, go and learn about it and drop usles love.

  41. children obey your parent in the lord… For this is ryt. Honour thy father and mother for this is the first commandment with a promise…. Ephesians 6:1— Am a christian girl… But dont go against your parent wishes darlin

  42. i baby ur parent s important in ur live every1 knw dat bt dis nt a religion mata it luv mata dis dat u see so it sum tine dat God himself luv if u luv sum it gudtine in GOD present.if u luk at sum pals comment here u wil see dat dae are usin personal sentiment bcs u ar muslim u allah forbid it wish qu’ran told u dat many pple talk rubish day tink dae are talkin wt bull mouth the just ask 4 advise nt personal feelings.God help us gal pls follow ur heart. if ur HEART say marry him marrie him. GOD LUK UPON UR CHILD HE NEED UR HELP.

  43. Wen u kno ur parent wont allow u to mary xtian y did u started it in d first place?u av alredy gone against thir will cos an hadith said u shuld nt disobey ur parent xcept dey r turnin u against Allah bt now dey r turnin u toward Allah swt. So let wisdom guide u bt 4 me i ll nevr die xcept as a muslim

  44. you are not a muslim really, if u are,i see no reason why u r posting this mess here.may u are the type that fornicate,sleeping with someone thaat is not ur muharam….nonsene Go and maarry the church not only xtian…Dubi Goshin ta a wurin…mtwww!!!

  45. SISTER ARE YOU TRUE MUSLIM OR FOLLOW FOLLOW FOR MARKET ACCOMPANY THINK ON HOW YOU COME TO BE,WHETHER YOU CREATE YOURSELF OR NOTB PLS TINK VERYWEL

  46. Islam is a very stupid religion that condemn some1 else ‘s own.muslim on its own is a God forsaking religion that was sent 4rm hell by the devil him self which every Muslims worship.
    If not a uselssssee religiou why would it say a man is allowed to marry more than 1 woman and @ the say tym Muslim men r allowed 2 marry a Christian woman but a Muslim girl cannot marry a Christian man.what kind of religious will advice women 2 b raped and sold as a slave during war.only Islam whom ur stupid Muhammad came and led ur goat astray and till date u pple r blind 2 see the light Which is Jesus Christ . If ur so called religiou Islam teaches peace,,y r u all he-goat discriminating Christians ! Whether u pple like it or not u r doom and will never b save unless u repent change 4rm ur wicked ways and embrace Christ who is the way 2 the father ,,truth and life. We dont insult u pple the way u idiots insults us,,but 1 thing is 4 sure no 1 can fight 4 God.enough is enough .stupid religiou and worthless he-goat followers.

  47. My sister we all created by God,no body should use religion or money to stop u frm followin ur heart, but be sure ur guy love worth a sacrifice u are goin make.

  48. my friend stop deceiving urself. u dont even sound like a muslim . U are a christian pretending to be a muslim.

  49. My Dear Sis, Religion shouldn’t be d Basics of Marriage. My pple perish for lack of Wisdom! Christian & Muslim who do de Worship? 1 God d creator of Heaven & Earth. Ur Parents choosing a Life partner for U is very wrong, gone re those Days. ur Man Proposes fine n Good go ahead and Marry him. But never Quarrel with ur parents cos de as well re trying to chose a way de blive would b better for U. U need to use wisdom. When u seek for their blessing of Marriage should de refuse don’t b bitter go to God in Prayer. Discuss it with ur Father & Mother Inlaw to be they as well may be able to convince Parents ur Brother woo him to support u, n if he doesn’t dnt worry 4 every good Ending starts with a bad Beginning. Always make ur Parents knw that u still Remain their Daughter n nt even Religion can take that away n that u still Love them jst that it is Time u make a Decision of ur Life n what u need from them is their support both spiritually n Physical. As for those saying Dis obeying ur Parents is a Sin should go bk n read their Bible very well! If ur Parents refuse to Bless ur Union make sure u take Elders with u. Do it for Three Good Times n if they remain Adamant. Jst don’t worry for d Almighty God knws u ve done ur Part. To cap it all no Woman belongs to a particular Religion until she’s Married! So ma Dear I Love ur Dream. May Almighty God continue to Guide n shower u Spiritual Strength n Wisdom. Amen.

  50. Babe i’m happy for you cos you’ve found the light. It’s obvious you were sick of islam even before you met with the guy in question. Don’t mind those trying to discourage you from following your heart as they are not gonna live your life for you. If the guy truly loves you and you share same feelings, go ahead and marry him.

    Note: Marrying a Christian isn’t even the most important part in this story but that you’ve always wanted to become a Christian. Trust me, the blessings associated with it are priceless. May God be with you.

  51. My sister, you have got it coming.Don’t decieve your self.Think well.Islsm is the only way out.Forget the problem we are facing in the world now.There are many poor muslims brothers in you country and in the world.Don’t destroy your islamic faith that you have,please.

  52. A similitude of what is really happening to me presently but I’ll forsake d relationship and go for my own muslim patner. Every decision in life has it outcome. May Almighty Allah lead us through!

  53. I’m really amazed that Muslims do comments on blogs like this……… when you hear of bomb blast and innocent people lamenting they themselves will run and hide their shameful faces cos of their religious instigating acts, now it comes to marriage…..they are busy abusing, biased and somehow if they see the girl in question they can even kill her……..as supported by your Qur’an (Surah Muhammad Chapter 47:4. In this very passage, Muslims are commanded by Allah to kill and smite the neck of anyone who does not accept the teaching of Islam, and according to the satanic verses they (Muslims) would be helping Allah by so doing. …….and also Surah At-Taubah Chapter 9:29 “Fight against those who believe not in Allah, nor in the Last Day, nor forbid that which has been forbidden by Allah and His Messenger (Muhammad), and those who acknowledge not the religion of truth (i.e Islam) among the people of the Scripture (Jews and Christians), until they pay the Jizyah with willing submission, and feel themselves subdued.”)………RELIGION INDEED…….MEANWHILE In Hebrew Chapter 10:30 it says: “For we know him that hath said, Vengeance belongeth unto me, I will recompense, saith the Lord. And again, The Lord shall judge his people.” YES Divine judgment is always deserved, inescapable, and selective as stated in (2 Thessalonians 1:6-8 which say: “Seeing it is a righteous thing with God to recompense tribulation to them that trouble you; 7 And to you who are troubled rest with us, when the Lord Jesus shall be revealed from heaven with his mighty angels, 8 In flaming fire taking vengeance on them that know not God, and that obey not the gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ:”) not to take vengeance for yourself……….you are only allowed to marry Christian girls or to be sold as sex slaves…..not the real wife and yet you attack, kill or disowns any girl who dares to marry outside your religion………MY OPINION IS THAT THE PARENT OF THIS GIRL ARE OBJECTING IT DUE TO FEAR OF ATTACK BY THEIR FELLOW MUSLIM………THE FACT IS THAT SO MANY OF THEM KNOWS THE TRUTH BUT CAN NEVER LEAVE…..EITHER NOT BE KILLED OR DENIED OF THEIR HERITAGE…..(2 Corinthians 4:4 “In whom the god of this world hath blinded the minds of them which believe not, lest the light of the glorious gospel of Christ, who is the image of God, should shine unto them.”)

  54. am 23yrs old muslim nd i know d teaching”call me i will tell u [email protected] 2 do”i will leave u with just dis here dat d. role of parents in our lives can never b over emphasized nd above all,human beings are nt reliable”08132545752 call me i will tell u wat 2 do

  55. listen, ur parents or frnds or anybody will nt go wit u 2 ur husband’s house but always pray 2 d Almighty Allah 2 give u a man dat would b yours 4eva, a man dat will make u happy and a man dat will always b dere 4 u, b it a muslim or a christian. if d Almighty Allah chooses 4 u, dere will b no problem even if ur parents or families are against it.

  56. Ma dear, dis is ma candid advice to u. Follow ur heart. Am not telling u to disobey ur folks. Ur folks are blind to see d beautiful world of love, truth, peace and unending joy u are about experiencing. If there is any religion ppl shd crave, its xtianity. I don’t want to be judgmental bt hav u eva read any news or article dt said *christian woke up one day and jst startd killing all around, throwing bombs? When/wherever u hear of war, its always islamic* So dey have no link with peace @ all. Violence is dia middle name. Ma dear, wether ur parents bless ur marriage or not there is a God (JESUS) who will bless u above d blessings of mere mortal. B brave, b strong, pray and God will help u. Follow ur heart!

  57. Ma dear, dis is ma candid advice to u. Follow ur heart. Am not telling u to disobey ur folks. Ur folks are blind to see d beautiful world of love, truth, peace and unending joy u are about experiencing. If there is any religion ppl shd crave, its xtianity. I don’t want to be judgmental bt hav u eva read any news or article dt said *christian woke up one day and jst startd killing all around, throwing bombs? When/wherever u hear of war, its always islamic* So dey have no link with peace @ all. Violence is dia middle name. Ma dear, wether ur parents bless ur marriage or not there is a God (JESUS) who will bless u above d blessings of mere mortal. B brave, b strong, pray and God will help u. Follow ur heart! But ma dear u have to be careful o cos after getting married to him, make una run o cos dey will seek to kill u. Its a normal tin wt dm

  58. U re not even a real muslima for even going to that person from the first place. Real Muslim always followed Allah n his messager finally succumbed to their parents wishes if is not against Islam.

  59. my dear u parent de Don want ur progressive in life.had den been de Ned, de could hv live u 2 do wat u want 2 achieve in feature, wat I will adverse u is dat do wat de spirit leads u.!!!!!!!!

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