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The Most Important thing to do After an Affair

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“I feel so guilty I had the affair. I don’t even know why I did it. What was I thinking?”

This is a very typical line from women who are living with the guilt of an affair. If you are a woman who has cheated on her husband or boyfriend and you are now dealing with the destructive aftermath and feeling extremely guilty, I empathize. I, like you, have been where you are and it’s a difficult place to escape — if you don’t know how.

Having worked with many women who have had affairs, and having been there myself, the reasons for cheating vary — feeling dead inside, boredom, a feeling of neglect and communication breakdown are among the most popular. Regardless of the reason for the infidelity, the feelings of guilt eat women up inside, affecting their health, their mental well-being and their children. As a result of their guilt, women bow down to all of their partner’s requests to make things right with him. This, of course, is not a healthy solution for anyone.

So, what can you do to get over your guilt and move on with your life?

Below are the steps I took to get over my affair guilt:

1. Forgive yourself. Beating yourself up will be the death of you. It will literally suck all the living force out of you. I remember running into a church to beg God for forgiveness. I could not forgive myself for what I had done to my ex and those around me. Every day I had to live with the consequences of my own actions.

However, one day I realized that if I didn’t forgive myself, I wouldn’t be able to live in peace or bring proper happiness to anyone else around me. Because I was too consumed with beating myself up, there was no room for me to give back to others. When I realized this, I knew it was time to change and give back.

Ask yourself, “What kind of person would do something like this?” Once you have the answer, ask, “What beautiful gifts does this sort of person give me?” Keep going until you have a long list and you feel grateful for having this part of you.

2. Practice acceptance. I had to accept that what was done was done. I had to accept that I’d had an affair and I had caused a lot of suffering. The practice of acceptance got me to face up to what I had done and how many people had been hurt. I realized I had no other choice other than to accept where I was.

Acceptance is a very important part to being able to move on. The word comes from the Latin word “acquiescence”, which means, “to find rest in.” Acceptance will also stop your internal struggle — the one where you keep wishing the affair had not happened the way it did or hurt as many people. Once you stop struggling with your own reality, calmness will start to take its place.

3. Surrender your feelings to a higher power. Offer up your feelings to a higher power. I know this may sound shaky, but it really works! We are part of a bigger plan. We are not necessarily in charge of the outcome. By doing this, you will be getting out of your own way and accept and have faith that all will be well.

The minute you do this, miracles start to happen; situations and opportunities start to open up that you didn’t even think were possible. At least this is what I have experienced and have also seen in my clients.

4. See the balance. This is a very powerful element to getting over your affair guilt. We live in a world of complimentary opposites. There are no pluses without minuses and no going up with out coming down. There is no night without day and you cannot create a dark shadow without light. As there are benefits and drawbacks to every situation, you will need to look at what the benefits are to all parties involved.

Now, this goes beyond justification, beyond wanting to be right — this is about being able to see that just as you may have caused pain to those around you, you will have also caused them pleasure too. This is a universal law.

Ask yourself, what are the benefits of you doing what you did to whom you did it to? They will have benefited from what you did, they always do. For example, my ex-husband is now happily married and with someone that is far better suited for him than me. Not only that, he got to stand on his own two feet and end the relationship, which gave him the opportunity to reclaim his power back.

5. Learn from it. Finally, take the positive learnings from the experience and move on. Once I had learned what my patterns were, what beliefs and parts of myself I needed to work on, I was able to let go of the anger at myself and know the next relationship would be really different because I would have changed.

This way, I wouldn’t fall into the same patterns again and not always be a cheater. It is definitely not true when people say, “Once a cheater, always and a cheater” — at least not if you work on yourself and get the support you need to shift what has not been working for you thus far.

I personally had to change what I thought of myself. Once I had done this, I knew I would choose a different behavior next time. Believing you have to suffer for what you have done does not help anyone. So forgive, accept, surrender, see and learn and watch the guilt dissolve.

By Marina Pearson

Health and Food

Avoid These Nigerians Food To Burn Stubborn Belly Fat (Video)

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Being overweight or obese can be detrimental to your health. It is not advisable to have excess fat in the abdominal cavity because it can lead to some health issues. Getting your dream body will not be easy and you need to make some sacrifices to your diet. You will also need to turn a blind eye to some fatty foods.

If you’re ready to get rid of the belly fat, then stay put as Information Nigeria brings you some important tips that will help.

1. Avoid sugar and carbonated drinks

Did you know that consuming sugary substances like coke, fanta can lead to weight gain and a number of health problems like high blood pressure?. This is due to the high fructose content found in added sugars. Taking sugar-filled drinks may slow your metabolism and this in turn can make it harder for your body to burn fat. Fructose can only be metabolized by your liver. When you consume too much, you push your liver to its limit and it becomes overloaded, then it turns the fructose into fat and it ends up getting stored in your belly. To avoid putting yourself from risk, you should cut back on foods and drinks that contain huge amounts of sugar.

 

2. You also have to forgo junk foods like meat pie, cakes, rolls, candies, burgers, ice cream and cookies. You also need to do away with heavy foods like eba, akpu, pounded yam, rice among others. Switch up your eating habits and opt for a more balanced-diet if you want to burn your belly fat. Avoid consuming refined carbs like bread, pizza, potation chips etc. You should also stay away from processed and heavy foods because they contribute to stubborn belly fat. You should choose to eat proteinous foods like fish, eggs, and milk. starch contains fat, sugar and salt. They help a person feel fuller so you don’t end up looking for something to munch on after eating. It basically keeps hunger at bay.

3. Eat the right amount of fruits, vegetables, fibrous foods and whole grains – You can add vegetables, fruits and whole grains to your weight loss diet. They provide essential vitamins, minerals, fiber and other substances that are good for your body. Examples of fibre rich foods include; beans, broccoli, avocados, apples, oatmeal brown rice and whole grain bread.

4. Try to incorporate exercise into your daily or weekly routine – Exercise helps to speed up your metabolism and helps you shed weight. The bitter truth is that wearing just waist trainers and staying put in one position will not make you lose that stubborn belly fat. You should hit the gym.

5 Reduce alcohol intake – Excess intake of alcohol also leads to a host of health problems especially the build-up of fat in the belly area. Have you ever noticed that those who drink alcohol, especially men, often develop ‘pot-bellies’. Alcoholic drinks like beer provide your body with calories and very little nutrients. It can also increase your appetite. Replace the alcoholic drinks with water or alternate with low calorie, non-alcoholic beverages. Too much alcohol can cause liver damage and other serious health problems.

6. Try out apple cider vinegar – Apple cider vinegar is made in a two-step fermentation process. It is obtained from apples that have been crushed, distilled and fermented. Acetic acid is the main active component of apple cider vinegar. It is safe for consumption in small quantities and can be taken as a supplement. Do not also consume it straight from the bottle or in its pure form. Add 1 to 2 tablespoons to water before you drink. You can also add honey or lemon. It is best to drink it before your meals. Research shows it has many health benefits, such as lowering blood sugar levels.

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Entertainment

Williams Uchemba And His Wife Exchange Wedding Vows In Lagos (Video)

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Williams Uchemba and his wife, Brunella Oscar

Williams Uchemba and his wife, Brunella Oscar

Popular Nigerian actor, Williams Uchemba and his wife, Brunella Oscar have officially solemnized their union.

The couple finally exchanged their wedding vows at Dominion city church in Lagos state.

The beautiful wedding ceremony was reportedly officiated by the founder of the church, Dr. David Chukwudi Ogbueli alias Papa Eagle.

Celebrities, fans and well-wishers poured in congratulatory message for the couple after photos and videos from the ceremony hit the internet.

The actor wore a sleek tuxedo, while his bride,  wore a lovely white gown.

Read Also:Actor Williams Uchemba Set To Walk Down The Aisle With Mystery Woman

Watch the videos below:

https://twitter.com/gregorogholi/status/1330121905387540483?s=21

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Entertainment

Actor, Model, Comedian, Philanthropist… Meet The Latest Groom, Williams Uchemba

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Williams Uchemba

Williams Uchemba

Williams Uchemba, who was born on October 22, is an actor, motivational speaker, model, comedian, entrepreneur and philanthropist. The Abia-born thespian graduated with a Bachelor’s Degree in International Relation from the University of Nigeria, Nsukka in Enugu State.

Uchemba began his career in the early 2000s as a child actor and came into the limelight in 2001 after appearing in the Nollywood blockbuster movie, “The Journey of the Dead” along with Olu Jacobs, Ramsey Noah, and Pete Edochie.

Since then, the multi-talented actor never looked back as he has gone ahead to feature in more blockbuster movies like Sugar Rush (2019), Merry Men 2(2019) and Story Story: The African Rideshare (2018). He is the recipient of several awards.

The actor adopted an 18-year-old furniture maker in June and he promised to sponsor his education. He recently got married to his longtime girlfriend, Brunella Oscar at her hometown, Alor in Anambra state. The actor’s wife, Brunella opened up on their love story with Wedding Digest Naija and she disclosed that she made the first move. According to the English trained medical doctor, they both met on Facebook after she sent him a message.

 

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